Darting back and forth around the snowplough driveway markers like they are weave poles on a dog agility course

My sis and I are wearing moisturizing face masks. She has taken photos, which I assume will be used for blackmail purposes.

Some of the Las Vegas grocery stores have casinos and bars, which is so exotic to Midwestern me.

Huh. Why did she turn up the radio while I was singing?

Do you think Bigfoot is ever like omg I saw people again

Obsessed with being obsessed with you.

Thought I was a blocking a woman’s path but she said “you’re all right” and I have been riding that high all day.

On the drive through the desert, we saw old semi-trailers with the Ten Commandments written on them, one per trailer. A few minutes later, “Kiss Off” by the Violent Femmes came on the radio, with its preferable countdown. Ten, ten, ten, ten for everything, everything, everything.

My sister and her husband alternated doing the driving from San Diego to Las Vegas. I told them I’d tip in the app.

Winter is leaned up against a wall somewhere right now, coldly amused & half-asleep, like a patient mobster who knows there's no avoiding him.

English majors gonna English major.

I was awakened before my alarm by the beautiful full moon over the San Diego port. Perfect way to end the cruise.

*me helping* uptown funk dooby dooby dooby uptown funk summin summin summin boop boop boop snoopy snoopy snoopy 🫣

You wouldn’t know it, but I can sing along to "Uptown Funk."

Relax, I normally don’t possess someone on the first date.

Woke from a nap, feeling all-powerful. Then I saw the empty suitcase and the pile of dirty clothes. “Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

*letting out a sigh so long that it travels to the fridge, gets a snack, & reclines on the couch

those who pick fights with me should understand that I will find out who is really pulling the strings and replace the strings with silly string which will be both messy and hilarious

This is the last full day of the cruise. Good thing because I’m starting to look like this guy.

I’m back on my bullshit (BritBox detective shows)

I tried to represent Gen X at an ‘80s dance party, but the music choices were grody to the max.

Sweet subskeets are for me. Rude ones are for someone else.

I love that thing you do when you let me be myself and you like it

Felt cute, might delete later.

Ya know, I was interrogated by a team of smart, ruthless corporate lawyers once years ago, & those guys couldn't hold a candle to the ladies at our small town beauty parlor.

I just took sweatpants out of the warm dryer and put them on, and I hope everybody has an experience like that today.

I am vacationing with my dad and stepmom, who are in their 80s. They are still out partying. I am in bed.

One sec. *returns, wrapped in a blanket with only my eyes visible, settles on your couch* Go on.

My style is best described as Costco chic

A guy asked my sister if she had any dollar bills to trade for a $5, so he could use them for tips. She only had $3, but he made the trade and gave the $3 to a bartender. So my sis made $2. 🤣 #boymath