in space no one can hear you redoing confrontations you handled poorly

At least forever chemicals are loyal

give a man a fish and he’ll selfie with it for dating sites

RIP Dally you would’ve loved Darry dirty dancing

When the clock struck midnight, she fled down the palace steps, leaving behind only one black sock and camo color Croc.

That new relationship feel, now in a convenient roll on.

one of the things I miss most about living with someone is asking them to bring me something from the other room

long story short *screams*

I'm pretty laid back unless I hear a phone ring more than once

riding it in a way that brings honor to my family

bro you should definitely message your high school gf on Facebook out of the blue this is literally never not a good idea

the horse actors on Little House are so good at acting like Prairie times horses

Life is short, eat the snacks. Tummy aches pass but a fat ass is forever.

imagine hating me and i’m just over here reverse engineering UFOs

Bringing plants back from the brink of death is sorta my only talent

ufo disclosure and chill

They're a 10 but they quote Dr Phil

Was looking forward to going out for a nice dinner with my daughter tonight but she's real busy playing Roblox. She'll be 21 in a couple weeks lol

put me in your myspace top 8 so i know it’s real

Finishing off a jar of garlic stuffed olives... at least I'm safe from vampires

full moon tn bitches let’s get witchy widdit *howling*

Real Butter doesn’t give a fuck whether you believe in it or not

low-key, emotional healing for me is a $9 candle and refusing to answer that text until tomorrow

Guess I'll just go ahead and change the date on today's to-do list

I see Lara Croft's AI ass is still out there messing with women's self-esteem

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this (the key to the locked up deodorants at CVS)

5 Signs You’ve Eaten Tainted Veggies (number 2 will surprise you)

the little moans coming from inside the trojan horse are from me bc i’m eating baked brie with fig jam

monday but manic

Imagine living in someone’s head rent free and they have their air conditioning set to 78.