i got another joke: <knock knock> "who's there?" "so i'm thinking about buying your neighbour's house but i need to know one thing... which of you is the total asshole? or is this like a 50/50 thing?"
cold on a cob
@coldonacob.bsky.social
remember the old simon and garfunkle song “slow down you’re moving too fast” that says a lot about life and about cat massage
“My cans! My precious antique cans!” is a strangely iconic line to me
Hourly Simpsons@hourlysimpsons.bagpuss.org · yesterday
this man should get combat pay bc he was FIGHTING here
"i'll give you a million dollars to sleep with me" "RaaaraaaRAAAAR!" "ok i'll give you one dollar to sleep with me" "RaaaraaaRAAAAR!" "we've established what kind of sasquatch you are, now we're negotiating!" sasquatch tears my arm off, throws it at me to knock me into the river and i drown
jimprov@jimprov.sendusyourmoney.com · 5mo agodawg they were offering a fuckin' BIGFOOT on price is right
First, you tell me to get a hobby; now it's an “appropriate hobby”.
"i'll give you a million dollars to sleep with me" "RaaaraaaRAAAAR!" "ok i'll give you one dollar to sleep with me" "RaaaraaaRAAAAR!" "we've established what kind of sasquatch you are, now we're negotiating!" sasquatch tears my arm off, throws it at me to knock me into the river and i drown
jimprov@jimprov.sendusyourmoney.com · 5mo agodawg they were offering a fuckin' BIGFOOT on price is right
dawg they were offering a fuckin' BIGFOOT on price is right
just did a life expectancy calculator. it says i have a 100% chance of living for two more years so i'm pretty sure that means i'm bulletproof
it's cool these guys made a music video all about my birthday but i'm 48 not 38 www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUmC...
Protomartyr - Sounds We Cannot Hear (Official Video)
YouTube video by protomartyr
youtube.com
Along similar lines, I have at least once triggered a phone call from two-factor authentication and immediately rejected it because I didn't recognize the number
not sure when i started this but i will send myself a reminder email from my work computer and then less than five seconds later i'm startled and/or annoyed by the email receipt notification on my watch. in my defense i have 99% of notifications off tho so when i get one it's usually important
Ask yourself "are you closer to owning a goat than you were one year ago?" and if the answer is no then what needs to change?
the cat's been in the litter box for an hour just scrolling on his phone
all homes must urgently be equipped with a secret "husband's thermostat". it is of national importance
important to revisit the words of the Founding Fathers on this day
![woman: you said you had netflix? me: this is much better
[l open a folder titled "movies" on my computer and the mechanical whirring of an 11 year old SATA hard-drive overwhelms the room entirely] me: have you seen enter the void?
7:05 PM • 12/11/22 •](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:k6kg5ccozcphfcmp4zyx3s64/bafkreibf2qhaemz2s5f3cw4htjjnctzfkqriyhkh5xlhus6e2ivbzcihnu)
how is timbbit formed? how is timbbit formed? how donut get pragnent
"Ed Citroën" who warns about the unsustainability of French AI (Automotive Industry)
im not sure if ill ever finish this, so you can have it in it current state
The computer lost the mandate of heaven when the humble, helpful "program" was replaced with the insidious "app"