wonder if cavemen had graffiti taggers come by and completely mess up their mammoth art

I bet your new gf doesn’t even make typos (derogatory)

pretty girls shouldn’t have to pay bills. i don’t even know a william. this is why I need a rich man with a boring name

the existence of very large anime swords implies the existence of very large anime whetstones

employers hate this one trick pooping on company time

employers hate this one trick pooping on company time

bluesky goes down more often than your mom. and that’s saying something

if my mac and cheese doesn’t sound like a wet coochie when i stir it, i don’t want it

i wonder how long i can sit in a corner and go unnoticed. my wager is forever

bluesky goes down more often than your mom. and that’s saying something

lol. so theres a drunk girl laying on the ground and i asked if she wanted some water and this girl really said “and this fucking f**** ass n****..?”. lol choke on vomit and die i do not know you and just offered you water. if your friends have to apologize for you i suggest your freinds find better

Your secret is safe with me zoning out

Would a dehydrated bitch piss this much?

the ima get a bitch blowed

✨I just be floating around the skyline vibing and sprinkling nonsense like fairy dust! ✨

cinnamon roll handcuffs

eggrolls are just mini chimichangas

Taking the tinfoil off so I can eat the burrito from the back.

I cried my eyes out when I learned I couldn’t be a Ninja Turtle.

is "horny jail" where you go to be cured of horny or be extra horny

how many commas in a row until it’s considered attempted murder

meow -.- that’s my cat after i read him my skeets

sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours

We should be able to vote one person off this app once a day

*secretly giving all of your pets a middle name*

that’s just, like, your opinion

it's senorita gringa to you

i feel like my paycheck is missing a few numbers

challenge to wake up after 4am: FAILED

Be the emergency to someone’s contact