the way some of these bitches talk about clankers i stfg

visiting ireland to fuck all the lepremoms

just midday things

on october 3rd he asked me what day it was. i was completely zooted. had no fucking clue.

i’ve never been gotten or “got” on this website. no body has “got my ass”. they never will.

look, we're not just a bunch of entitled nimbys trying to restrict our wealthy neighbourhood only to those who can afford it. we also welcome, with open arms and warm hearts, those who can't afford it but have gone deep into debt to appear as though they can.

getting mad at the pope for not thinking the chatbot has a soul is easily the funniest thing I've read all week

Parkscope Joe@parkscopejoe.bsky.social · yesterday

This is insane.

been a minute since it was time to let bill cosby do a picture page with me

when you've been waiting in one place for a while there really is nothing better than getting up and moving to a different place to wait

I think I want one of those hairless cats that looks like a meowing ballsack

you know that this is fine guy who's surrounded by fire and it makes you think he's not really fine? he's fine.

back in the day if you needed a coat you could just go to The Coat Store and talk to the Coat Guy. but now a days the Coat Store also has to sell whiskey stones

my baby has started to respond to questions with an adorable little “ya” and to test it i asked are you a stinker and she said “the fuck did you say to me”? so proud of her

Last night god spoke to me in the Roku city symbolism

You don’t need a data center to make spaghetti

People everywhere are tired of my bullshit but I’m not done yet

me and the girls are gonna scream into the void until our vocal cords snap, come thru if you're free

a blinker to show you’re changing moods

i’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet cause a gravitational incident that disrupts the tides and strands sea creatures

Not one of us knows shit about fuck. But there’s still enough love in the world to tip the balance. Stay the course, dipshit

Mr. President.... China, they.... it's bad. They just announced Ultra Intelligence

"what do you expect to happen? have every rapist fired from their job and ruin their life?" uh yeah that'd be a good start

The only word I’ve said aloud today is fuck. But in 3 different octaves!

This reminds me of that one time that things also completely sucked.

[kitten about to pounce] and behold a pale horse and his name that sat on him was death

i replaced a valve in my toilet today and briefly became the sort of man who stands proudly with hands on hips and says "there, that should do it"

it's tough these days to warm the cockles of one's heart but a long weekend with a pupper is a good place to start

[looking in the mirror] ugh i look more like age against the machine

[takes an edible] how many chili peppers would I need to eat in order to flame grill a steak just by farting?