I still don’t understand how almond milk is produced, their udders are so tiny

The Toilet Witch has judged you and found you wanting

You are likely to be eaten by a grue

We’ve replaced Kate’s passion for art with 40 years of soul-crushing office work. Let’s see if she can tell the difference

Turns out the swans really don’t like it

it has been almost 36 hours since they released their report on this & the uk press, government, etc. has still not picked it up

Nate O@nateo.bsky.social · 3d ago

Al Jazeera got an undercover journalist into TPUK as a cameraman then asked the CEO for help and the CEO suggested killing people then referred the journalist to a UVF contract killer to kill people, then the UVF contract killer said he would kill people then showed the weapons to kill people

I feel like I’ve aged a lot in the last few decades

Well actually there’s no law that says you can’t use a swan as a toilet. Not in this country.

Blood blood blood blood

Barely functional robot arsehole

SHIT PICKLES

Are you even turd stacking bro. Are you shitmaxxing or what. I bet you haven't even heard of intermittent farting

in high school I was voted most likely to live in a shed in the mountains and write a manifesto.

If I got swallowed by a whale it would recognize my superior posting abilities and keep me alive to utilize them. Unrelated but we dont talk enough about krill on this app. This app unfortunately has a real anti-eating mass quantities of krill bias, and its why this app will never be mainstream.

they're letting me grow tusks

The data center push proves America can still do massive infrastructure projects, but only if it's to run a long con.

Don't let Derrida anywhere near your farm implements. They'll turn into a tangle of scrap metal, spray painted with obscure French puns.

Char grilled filth

Where's your fucking poppy?

eBay users! Don't ignore today's email, even though it looks like a boring standard update to the User Privacy Notice. They want to use your data to train AI models. If you click the link over the words "the right to object", it takes you to a page with a toggle button letting you opt out.

I might start eating cornflakes again

CRÈME DE MENTHE tier members of AMOL RAJAN are entitled to be hunted through the scrubland outside Uttoxeter by AMOL RAJAN in a vintage Huey chopper wielding an ELEPHANT RIFLE and a DEVIL MAY CARE grin

I’m thinking of changing my whisky

Oat and raisin is better than chocolate of any variety

I once saw a guy at Taco Bell with shredded cheese hanging off his beard like tinsel on a Christmas tree. That’s how I’d like to die, as a human taco salad.

I bet that bloke on the canal boat spends a lot of time wanking

Imagine if ducks had hands

Having a very dark academia afternoon finishing off items for an upcoming fair 🎃

Let them eat golf

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 5d ago

Trump: "The Department of Interior wants to take a terrible and very unsafe golf course, and make it into a great, safe, and prestigious golf course ... They do not need an approval. Work is scheduled to begin IMMEDIATELY!"

Pornography but of people not worms