Greetings and good morning it’s the Sunday farm rush hour with Eli

HALT, Bluesky Citizen! Before you send that reply, make sure it accords with the following criteria: - Is this reply FUNNY? - Am I being FUNNY? - Am I FUNNY?

For at least twenty years, in every hotel I've stayed in, if there's a Bible I've signed it 'Cheers for believing, all the best, Jesus'. As a full-time touring musician it's well past the thousand mark by now.

Oh it’s officially my birthday month! Happy birthday to me, the big 40! Hopefully this will be the month that @windows98support.bsky.social finally pays child support 🥰

Treating myself to a rewatch of inside no 9 Bernie Clifton’s Dressing Room 🥺

Was there every any updates on this crowdfunder? Can’t see anything ever mentioned about it again…

Supertanskiii@supertanskiiii.bsky.social · 7mo ago

I am already discussing this project with women’s rights activists and legal contacts. It is not a doxxing campaign. If anything it will exist to push the police to actually enforce pre-existing laws. If you wish to support the project you can do so here: www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/endaiabuse

*emgagement bait* Whoooo remembers watching T4 Hollyoaks ommibus and shipwrecked on a Sunday with a hangover Those were the days Sponsored by Toyota Aygo

I took a one week break from BlueSky. Here’s what it taught me about b2b sales

Some say winning third place is actually bigger than winning the world cup

Nothing more England than premiering your new exhilarating counterattacking style three days late, so you can see what you might have won

Dang they really got a category for everything

At least Big Ann Widders wasn't alive to see this 😌

BRING ME THE HEAD OF MICHAEL MCINTYRE

Solemnly reversing my England flag back to racist

Knees are weak, arms are heavy, bring on Burns and fuck up Messi

Every one of the Argentinians should be assigned his own referee

Left to my own devices I will have a divorced dad ready meal every single night of the week

Anon Opin@anonopin.bsky.social · 3w ago

A woman on her own will still cook herself a healthy, delicious dinner every day. A man on his own will alternate his dinners between toast, cereal and a Pot Noodle.

A horse goes into a café and orders a flat white. The barista brings him the coffee and says, "That'll be £6.50". The horse gets out his wallet and pays. The barista returns later and says, "You know, we don't see many talking horses here." The horse replies, "£6.50 for a flat white, I can see why".

First the £10 pint, now the £6.50 flat white: coffee industry faces inflationary pressures

From harvests dampened by El Niño to wage and tax rises, getting coffee beans from crop to cup costs more than ever

theguardian.com

Meta Glasses: • expensive • impractical • people may judge telling your peers you have visited The Museum of English Rural Life: • free • highly ergonomic • people will instantly fall in love with you

“you won the internet for today!” oh i did? this is a game to you? interesting. i’ve given up everything to post. maybe you should try taking things more seriously

Watching The Rest is Football on Netflix with Lineker. Anyone seen it, any good?

as I thought “the scorer looks young” they cut to him celebrating with a little shoulder ride from one of the daddy footballers

Me: I think I'm depressed Doctor: I don't think about you at all

Oh no, why was he building the bonfire?

Belfast Telegraph@belfasttelegraph.co.uk · 4w ago

BREAKING | Tributes have been paid to a man who died in a “tragic accident” after falling from a Belfast bonfire last night.

Having to sit with the doors open and the fans on bc of the heat and went to have a sip of wine and there were 2 dead flies in the glass

mmmhhhmmm..😾