if i haven’t seen the iliad, will the odyssey still make sense?
Lock Wilford
@lockwilford.com
If you are looking for the other Lock Wilford you didn't find him. My top skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6sn5ipsdnbalrtkjgpjkr3u7/feed/aaafm23lyrjky My art: lockwilford.com
Load vs. lode is a big grammar pet peeve of mine but it only just now occurred to me that you can make a solid case for either being correct so long as the prefix is “butt”
Me: "I’ll have a Chef Salad, no lettuce." Waiter: "So just a bowl of meats and cheeses?" Me: "Still call it a salad though."
COWORKER: where did you go on your vacation ME: we went to france COWORKER: where in france ME: paris COWORKER: was it nice COWORKER: i just told you it was paris diane
with apologies to the young man who left his extremely well-curated spotify account logged in on the hotel tv: if my daughter didn’t hear elmo’s alphabet rap we were all going to die
Adding “premenstrual” to my idioms: “I’m doing my premenstrual best.” “I’m at my premenstrual limit.”
*about to mount a mechanical bull Do you guys rent dildos?
Yes, the truck vodka is kinda warm, but don’t blame the vodka. Or the truck. This is just the nature of truck vodka. [do not drink and drive, truck vodka is for unexpected overnight stays]
Her: You’re not being helpful right now. Me: I think maybe the problem here is your assumption that I wanted to be helpful.
Carrying a bucket of fried chicken and I can’t tell if this guy wants to fight me or fuck me.
Living in the south means someone questioning your manhood every single time you cross your legs sitting down
Don't fret, the US is raising a new generation of bigger idiots
[Midnight] Me (a day shift worker): *laying in bed with my top three favorite dildos* My BF (a night shift worker): *walking into the room after his shower* Oh!?! Me: Sorry I'm tired and can't wait for you to get horny at 3 AM
Him: *sliding my pants across the closet* I don't want to wear my jeans, I'm going to wear these. *shows me my favorite dress pants*
Lock Wilford@lockwilford.com · yesterdayMy bf is perfect in every way except he and I wear the exact same size clothing, so I don't have my own clothes anymore
My bf is perfect in every way except he and I wear the exact same size clothing, so I don't have my own clothes anymore
I put the turkey in the oven an hour ago and the house is already smelling good
My bf took a thirty minute shower after work last night and I was honestly getting pissed he was in there that long, but then he came out freshly manscaped and all my anger disappeared
It’s not drinking alone when your insecurities are always there