oh no not alabama

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 42m ago

Tuberville: "If we don't straighten out this country's voting and immigration system, we're not gonna make it. It's gonna be over. I'm gonna go back to Alabama and hey, we might build a 30-foot wall around our state."

universe: i am a swirling mess of uncaring entropy and there’s nothing you can do about it. me: i can write this stupid little joke.

if establishment candidates want to start winning primaries again all you have to do is say that rich people have too much money and that youll prosecute trump admin staffers and republicans that have broken the law

you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely

Stop calling me an amateur. I've been doing this for decades. I'm incompetent.

many of you need to modulate your gasps. it’s really not that shocking.

Everywhere should be a hostile place for Republicans. They should not be able to find a friend anywhere. They should lose all their professional and familial relationships. They should be blocked from signing up to social media platforms, clubs, and yard sales. They should be ejected from fairs.

me: hey man. scarecrow: actually i’m mostly sticks.

[baby court] ME: I’d like to remind the defendant that I still have his nose

wonder if rfk jr’s fingers get sore from all the air quotes

john denver: life is old there, older than the trees. me: wow that’s old. john denver: younger than the mountains. me: oh so not that old then.

daughter: dad there’s lightning. me: it’s okay honey we’re safe in the car. daughter: why? me: umm [opens door and rolls out]

This energy drink helps me feel depressed faster

eating a bunch of books to keep up with ai

three dog night: one is the loneliest number. me: yeah definitely the wor- three dog night: two can be as bad as one. me: oh ok.

Anyone have a good cerebrectomist

Going to see the Odyssey and that sea better be fucking wine dark

Choosing despair out of the Feelings Hat again shouldn’t be a surprise when it’s the only thing written on each and every slip of paper.

that is in fact literally in the bible. it's Matthew 6:5.

Right Wing Watch @rightwingwatch.bsky.social · last wk.

Rep. Lauren Boebert insists that public Christian worship events are necessary for America to experience revival: "I don't think that Jesus ever called for any Christian to pray only silently or to keep their faith hidden only in the prayer closet."

hiring manager: well you’re very impressive so let’s make this official with a nice firm handshake. arcade claw machine: oh shit oh fuck.

Never beating the dead horse accusations

If I had a time machine I would give Benjamin Franklin some sour gummy bears and watch him lose his shit

*pointing at a picture of mitch mcconnell in hospital* me: rigor tortoise

as soon as she lets go this corpse is gonna fall to the ground corpsely.

Sahil Kapur@sahilkapur.bsky.social · last wk.

Mitch McConnell’s office releases a new photo plus a statement saying he is undergoing “intense physical therapy” and not ready to get back to work in person. No timeline for his return to the Senate. He has not been seen in the Capitol since his June 14 hospitalization.

me: [drums] lead singer: can you do it more british? me: [drooms] lead singer: perfect.

pronouncing “i’m hella sad” as “i’m good!”

If they follow the money they’ll never find me.

lighting regular flies on fire for nostalgia

To get casual fans caught up, the new Avengers movie should start with all the characters doing a rap where they say who they are and what their deal is

[six weeks ago] mitch mcconnell: just one…last thing…before i go. aide: what is it sir. mitch mcconnell: after i’m gone… aide: yes sir anything. mitch mcconnell: keep…fucking with…democracy<dies>