imagine if we smooched. no reason i just want to smooch you

a dead bee is called a been

most sharks never stop swimming because they are haunted by past mistakes and if they pause for even a moment grief will overwhelm them

I'm the only normal guy hiding in your coat closet. The other dudes in here are weird

hey girlies (and guylies and theylies) i’m alive. my husband and i have separated which makes my last posts incredibly awkward. what have i missed?

i am an innocent, lord of the rings loving gal, and they commit violence by releasing tales of the shire

i do not want to feel things i want a collection of interesting rocks

Can someone lend me a hundred bugs

i just think it's unfair that some people are biologically better at sports than me and i think they should all be banned from sports until i am the best at sports

such world wide webs we weave

sharks store love in their teeth this is why they bite

come with me if you don’t want to live

it’s night time, time to make out with ghosts

for @jonhendren.com this is the beef barbacoa and cochinita pibil i slow cooked on my smoker for 8 hours on the weekend

there are several frogs disappointed in you

stuart little women

And then I was like, Roald— make the peach GIANT. No one gives a shit about a normal ass peach

I bought you a sword please respond.

oh no, it’s menace time

stuart little women

your secrets are not safe with me. Bitch

a religion where they shoot your body out of a cannon when you die

i have two modes: baby girl and goblin freak

Some kind of animal should live in the woods. Seems perfect with all the trees and bracken and stuff. Just a thought

please enjoy my bachelorette party. it was lord of the rings themed and i made everyone wear pyjamad

using my work break to breed my tamagotchis like a freak