I’ve decided to use my relaxed and positive personality for the first 30 days of this relationship

Sad and disappointed, but it's fine

I have 3366 unread emails; if you really want me to know something, *text me. *I also ignore texts

One of my dino-nuggets came pre-decapitated, and I'm feeling some kind of way about not getting to bite its head off.

"Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin' into the future"

Don't quote me -shitposters on Bluesky

precious memories of you pressed between my pages

Comfort food? That’s all food.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they dispose of a body.

That tiger's getting closer

Standplaats Kraków could really use some cash!@standplaatskrk.pl · 2y ago

Walking into the woods, never to return, for my mental health.

Rated R for rigidity

I'm confused as to why every couple of months we have to rehash the discussion: bluesky is not toxic enough - let's fix that

You can’t judge a band by its cover.

watching the news to start fights on nextdoor, then leave. i’m not there to discuss politics.

Lactaid milk prices went up a dollar a gallon again, they be like, "fuck your IBS."

Too comfortable with discomfort.

I'm holding your hand in my heart.

If you're looking for me, I'll be out dancing in the rain.

Women should be all, "I've BIRTHED actual PEOPLE. You can please just STFU."

Christmas in July, but it's just me playing a Die Hard marathon.

I know it's hard to believe but I make all my shitposts without AI

Dan of the Year@downwithdan.bsky.social · 9mo ago

I’m a cheese man, myself

Mysterious Holes... And The Men Who Love Them

Locked in on every word

We'll never hear the end of it. ~ The Big Bang

I want to watch a documentary with you.

Ok. - the most hostile passive-aggressive reply

Sucking on dead vapes.

CPR certified, so I can save you (when I can't even save myself).