I don’t run this account, it runs me

Threw my back out reaching for the cereal. Just let me die already.

I never fucking miss an opportunity to stealthily fucking ninja roll away from bullshit

give a man a fish and he'll look at you suspiciously and ask what happened to the chips

maybe tonight i could sleep and not injure myself you know as a treat

Do they know we only post on here because we don't like people? If we liked people we'd go out and meet some, ffs.

Bluesky@bsky.app · 22h ago

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

Stop. You had me at “Let’s leave before it gets crowded.”

All I'm saying is there are no donut parasites

Not to brag, but sometimes, if I start a movie before 5 PM, I can stay awake for the whole thing.

time is never wasted if you’re getting wasted on a beach

I'm pretty laid back unless I hear a phone ring more than once

Me: *making a phone call* why won’t they answer? Me: *receiving a phone call* why are they calling!

I liked you better as a repressed memory

My personality is nothing but cheese and pickles at this point.

I desperately miss everyone standing 6 feet away from me

give a man a fish and he’ll selfie with it for dating sites

the idea of an afternoon delight changes as one ages. now for me that refers to taking a nice nap together midday.

whenever my bullshit senses start tingling i can’t look away

Making enchiladas or lasagna feels like adult craft time

A threesome? Too much going on at once. I can’t even back out of the driveway while the radio’s on.

Can't we just all try to get along(way away from each other)

In heaven you can punch anyone you want in the face

Training is done for today. We now return you to our regularly scheduled routine of eating cheese.

*eating a cottage cheese sandwich* lol who told you bsky isn’t cool all my bsky friends are cool

Give a man a fish and he’ll find a way to fuck it. Teach a man to fish and they are sure to decimate the species.

i call my tits overworked and underpaid. and that’s just the left one.

Don't quote me -shitposters on Bluesky

Forever feral. Good morning! 🩷

You know what would be awesome? My body working correctly; that’s what. FFS the horror never ends.

Walking into the woods, never to return, for my mental health.