[Ancient Rome] Me: *slipping my gladiator opponent £20 in the tunnel before we go out into the arena* How about you let me win?
Brynnester
@brynnester.bsky.social
Yorkshire’s finest. Contributor to @sorrowscopes.bsky.social Just me: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:fk3rbuqc2f2yzauj6dw2ft23/feed/aaamxdreuohh4
a murderer tries to murder me but i block each of his stabs with a freshly roasted twenty two pound turkey, resulting in a perfectly carved meal for fourteen to sixteen people
got kicked out of another cheerleading team tryouts for ranting about the objective case “WHOM do we appreciate”
no i don’t want to “hang out” i only want to be perceived two sentences at a time by strangers on the internet
If it’s just a jump to left and then a step to right that kinda leaves me back where I started
professor x: what’s your superpower me: I can solve any equation professor 42: impressive
HER: Your welcome— HIM: It's "you're" welcome HER: —is overstayed
No one is coming to save you. However, someone is coming to stand in front of what you want to look at in the grocery store
Do I fear death? Yes. But do I allow that fear to debilitate me and detract from my enjoyment of life? Yes
If it’s just a jump to left and then a step to right that kinda leaves me back where I started
Now that they have AI porn how can I tell if I'm jacking off to the real Shrek
REACHER: I need help with my iPhone SUPPORT: regular iPhone or duo? REACHER: how can I tell SUPPORT: if it folds it’s the duo *extremely loud crunching noise* REACHER: it’s the duo
Walking into the darkness, Death takes my hand. “Is this the beginning or the end?” I ask. Death tickles me. I wasn't expecting that
back in the 80s every pop song featured a mandatory sax solo and we liked it that way
Because of the economy every trick-or-treater can have one cable from the random cables box.
Date: I’m a huge cat person Me: *pushes the condiments off the table Date: let’s go back to my place