How it feels to eat food in 2026 America

America is winning the arms race in weaponized incompetence.

I’m not religious but I do believe in signs from the universe

Cats are wise, in their unique cattish way. Just observe. Do cats wake up one day, and decide to go camping?

self portrait on cement , circa today

The future is so fuckin stupid

Sky News@news.sky.com · 16h ago

SpaceX latest: Abandoned rocket about to slam into moon at high speed

Every day brings me closer to being that old guy who goes shirtless from May – September. The lack of self-awareness coupled with not giving a single fuck must be sublime

100 members in a group chat? In this economy?

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

please hold my hand and comfort me in my times of woe

Plot twist: My signature move is being genuine.

game recognize game.

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 16h ago

Q: Any comment on Rep. Max Miller? TRUMP: I hope he's able to work it out. I feel badly for him.

I have questions. None of them are helpful.

All I'm saying is there are no donut parasites

A threesome? Too much going on at once. I can’t even back out of the driveway while the radio’s on.

Bus fares were so much cheaper decades ago. That was when dime travel was possible.

I'm not telling anyone what to do, but please be nice to me, and also bring me a plate of food.

Looking at investing in a lawn truck

lettuce pray 🙏🏼

you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely

My kids are learning so much from running a lemonade stand, like how ice cream is only for closers.

me: i had a dream that johnny appleseed pointed to his wife’s titties & said ‘how you like dem apples’ & then george washington carver pointed to his crotch & said 'how you like deez nuts' my gynecologist: what

Standing up swaying on the bus with music in my ears and *whispers* Nobody Knows I'm Dancing

I made a joke to one of my employees about something that ‘actually is a real example of irony, Alanis’ but he just looked at me blankly, so for making me feel so old and out of touch there’s someone who ironically won’t be getting a promotion any time soon.

*25 second sigh* REPRESENTATIVE

This day in history. 1981. Ronald Reagan fired all the air traffic controllers but you can't blame him for destroying the American middle class because his wife's astrologer made him do it.

There's a bat in my belfry, and I'm going insane trying to figure out what the hell a belfry is.

“Son of A Preacher Man” is a good soundtrack for life. Driving along a lonesome highway? Son of a preacher man. Eating a wheel of cheese? Son of a preacher man. Having sex with a guy named Billy Ray? Son of a motherfucking preacher man

(I know that's an old thought but it's been a long day and I'm too tired to have new thoughts.)

I'm at that age that my favorite cover songs are super slow atmospheric versions like you just huffed a rag full of ether and that song happenes to be on the radio, it should take you awhile to figure out what song it is

I fear I’ve had my mind boggled a few too many times.