Saramonkey 🧜🏻♀️🔮🐦⬛
@saramonkey.bsky.social
Award-winning writer. Sassypants. GenX. Snarknado. Problematic bitch. Bad dancer. Daydreamer.
I just want to know why bras are so expensive? Its just some fabric to support the two sacks of fat on my chest. Not first class tickets on a vacation.
Something less than dying but more than sleeping please
Kyoto Higashiyama paper fan, called ‘uchiwa’. Photography by Hazy moon Kiriyoru on ganref
diarrhea Taylor Farms, salmonella chicken parm, bags of frozen blueberries that straight-up kill your ass heavy metal sourdough, listeria soup bowl refreshing summer popsicle that's filled with shards of glass we didn't start the fire...
COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS -- Open house event on campus today, I scored a free granola bar two packets of Swedish fish candy and one large--I would describe it as a fistful --of barbecue from the luncheon.
There is no more surefire way to win back a restless and dissatisfied populace than by making all of their food poisoned and rotten and nasty.
•crying in the corner• What’s the matter? •I hold up a paper having written just leopard and leotard•
Every time you speak, the elephant in the room does jerk-off motions behind your back.
I hope my use of made-up words doesn't make you...discomfortable
@enthusmiasma.bsky.social Pool company using AI in their ads. The tell? Dogs in the ads are the size of horses! I laughed so hard!
Caught them blossoming again last night. That blur is a bee that I startled. Sorry, buddy!
SCRAM GRAM SCAM -- Scanned Raggedy Granny's driver's license (!) and rumpled SocialSecurity card (!!) so she could send them to an online mortgage company(!!!).
TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE -- Filling the swamp cooler with frozen shrimp.
"THESE ARE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD..."--My boss is helping Raggedy Granny create a Gmail account. Raggedy Granny is a bossy life-force drainer who likes to use the slowest computer in the library to make "The End Times Are Here" flyers to put on cars.
Depressed fatso gets haircut and color. Related, drinking coffee so no smile, just "the puzzler."
BRO CODE, HO CODE -- We had a little rain here over night. Petrichor.
THIS COMPUTER IS TOO SLOW -- Complained the Tweaker who drove a rocket bike before scuttling off into the abysmal heat.
ANSWERING THE AGE OLD QUESTION "BOOK?" -- Two pair of aspiring nurses came into the library thinking we were the campus bookstore.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE... -- If a certain medication makes women feel healthy & happy and the people who don't want women to take that medication are *checks notes* personal trainers, therapists, and cam bois who profit off women feeling unhealthy and sad...🧐🤔
Fuck around (try Harbor Freight first), find out (end up at Lowe's anyway).
To save money, time, stress, and eat better, I create a detailed shopping list for a planned trip to the least-expensive grocer at 8:30 am Sat. to beat the 100° temps & prep food for the chaotic week @ work. Stoner Hubs: "I'll go for "us" midafternoon & get "basics" (the garbage he eats).
checking off the "got into bed for the night at 8:45pm" box on the definitely not depressed form
Dave’s Killer Bread. Mike’s Armed Robbery Nuggets. Pete’s DUI Iodized Salt
ABRACA-POCUS -- Changed the air filter in the house & vacuumed with the ho-made carpet fresh. Watered plants and gave shrubs a drink. I reason that ants & spiders need water too and if there's water outside maybe they won't come in the house. Science! I guess.