Culture is chock full of gods and ghosts, language the drift of the spirit away from the meat and bones of its origin.
[dabbing perfume on my neck] This could be the night when the Abyss gazes back into me.
After an intense examination of the premises I found my missing cup of coffee in the shower.
When people take more than 3 seconds to hang up after saying Ok Bye I’m like
a woman is talking on a payphone in a hallway .
Alt: Two woman aggressively hanging up a landline and a pay phone by viciously banging the receivers down.
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If you’re not coming with that, “Let’s drink Cabernet until our lips turn purple” energy, you should definitely ring the New Year in with someone else.
I went into an extremely crowded store. I had a cart and there was nowhere to push it and nowhere to put it and nowhere to stop and look. When I went to the next store, I did not get a cart. Freedom washed over me. Zipping through crowds, light on my feet, an unencumbered sprite.
“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn”
“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn”
a seamless pattern of blue robots with the word robot on the front of them
Alt: An army of blue robots mindlessly trudging forward to assimilate everyone in their path.
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“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn”
Thinking I’m going to get fired for being sassy and snarky in an email, then realizing I actually just sound matter-of-fact, logical, and polite after reading it again is top Virgo behavior.
A few years ago I saw someone say that dating someone with ADHD is like microdosing Wikipedia and I’m still recovering from that wound
I'm not a hermit because I don't understand people, I'm a hermit because I do
My ears feel like they spontaneously spurt blood every time I click on a review video someone turned into ASMR. I hate them SO much. They make me want to bash my head against a wall and rip the remaining fragments of my brain out of my skull.
a woman with a bruise on her forehead covering her ears
Alt: A girl covering her ears in horrendous pain
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THIS NIGHTMARE WILL BE IN FULL COLOR
They should make cat toys that the cat can actually disembowel, like lil plushie intestines can spill out of the cat toy
Raising Arizona.
a woman in a police uniform is adjusting a ring on her finger in front of a camera .
Alt: Nic Cage in Raizing Arizona says "You're a flower, you are" to a police officer taking his photo (they end up married)
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Name your fav Nicolas Cage film
Someone mispronounced 'gamut' on a podcast I was listening to the other day and I'm still mad about it
My neutered cat has a new nickname (Horn Dawg) and a new girlfriend (super fluffy blanket) I sit here giggling at my little Lothario and his discovery of this newfound and pointless pleasure.
Next Halloween I'm handing out Zippo lighters.
I have several social media accounts that by themselves could pass the age verification process. And my mobile phone number is from the 1900s.
“omg gloves made out of paper towels” -me, stoned and eating chicken wings
By the tapping of my thumbs, Something wiki'd this way comes.
ME: *explaining my symptoms to a doctor* it feels like my body is full of 10,000 snakes, all hissing at each other. sometimes one bites another, and that part of me is lost MY DOCTOR, WHO IS 10,000 SNAKES IN A LAB COAT: yesss yesssss, thiss isss all very normal for humansssss