them: “what do you bring to the table?” me:

It's Friday night baby

neolithic guys get pissed if you tell them their cultures are organized by the type of pots and jewelry they made. "we called ourselves the blood hunters" "we conquered villages far beyond this horizon" sorry bud you're the western linear pottery culture now

help the hamburger help you

There are three days a month I fucking dare you to say this to my face.

Heartland Signal@heartlandsignal.com · 11mo ago

JD Vance calls ibuprofen "useless medication" and implies it's not "necessary, safe and effective."

a “Space Force”, if you will

derek guy@dieworkwear.bsky.social · 11mo ago

we need a department of kerning

it's funny to be named George Herbert Walker Bush and name your kid George Walker Bush. keepin a lil slice of name for yourself

Rapture Day feels

a man with a mustache sits on a yellow swing

Alt: A man with a mustache sits on a yellow swing, then a dinner plate, and then a yard. He's alone. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting. He's sad that all his friends and family have been raptured, but he's still on earth.

media.tenor.com

Those of you who think Sydney Sweeney is "all that" have obviously never seen a woman perform a Whipple Procedure on The DaVinci Robotic Surgical System

I'm already looking forward to tomorrow's coffee.

i still haven’t heard a cogent response as to why i should earnestly debate someone who peddles race theories and wants to take away my right to vote

far be it from me to tell scientists how to do their jobs but i feel like there might be value in surveying the <365 hot dogs per year demographic

CNN@cnn.com · last yr.

There is strong evidence that there is “no safe amount” of processed meat to eat, nutrition experts say in response to a new study on the connection between diet and the risk of major diseases: cnn.it/4lElYWx

It’s okay to let insects take over your home they’ve been here longer than us they know what they’re doing

Do you ever just feel

modems screaming at us in the 90s was a warning and we didn't take it

a McDonald’s hash brown won’t save me but it won’t not save me either

I have tariffed the penguins that are on Heard Island and which you were probably assuming did not export goods forgive me they were taking advantage of us so cunning and so cold

And thus with the breaking of April did humankind gain both self-awareness and shame, for the Fool had been inside each of us all along.

it’s gonna be so sick at the end of handmaids tale season 6 when they all vote to end gilead and go back to how things were

surely this cup of sleepy time tea will fix me

if stuff "just works" where you live-the water's clean, trash goes away, bridges don't collapse--you can live in an illusion that a) this place is clean because YOU are clean (not because it is cleanED for you) b) maybe you don't need those services anyway (bc you don't understand what they do)

how to make countertop coffee!

us? the nation who ate Tide Pods? has resurrected measles??? I don’t believe it.

Costco and Trader Joes are yin and yang. Together they form a harmonious balance. One sells big piles of normal food, the other sells small piles of weird food. These are the two food piles people need