Teach a man to fish and he’ll get drunk on a boat for one day. Feed a man to a fish and you’ll have a cool story for the rest of your life

A threesome? Too much going on at once. I can’t even back out of the driveway while the radio’s on.

RFKJr claims Lyme disease was created by scientists,which is the closest he’s come to admitting that science exists. Meanwhile, Ötzi the Iceman, who died more than 5.3K years ago, had Lyme disease. Apparently prehistoric humans are part of the conspiracy. Get me off this timeline

more like werther’s unoriginal

Burnt out from trying to be happy & thrive in a society that doesn't want me to exist and has anti-intellectualism on the rise, and with an economy that makes me want to end it all. But at least everything is also on fire.

“We are not fighting ‘the war on terror,’ We are fighting WW IV. … Whether you approve or do not approve of the manner in which the war is conducted … We are at war,” the slideshow states. “Whether you approve or disapprove of their attitudes and tactics, the Israelis are allies in that war.”

Glen Stellmacher@glentalk.bsky.social · 21h ago

NEW: Following the killing of Rachel Corrie, the Israeli government came to Washington State, and pitched local cops to come to Israel. One of the cops they trained in HUMINT, would later lead an undercover operative who infiltrated anti-war activists. prismreports.org/2026/08/04/p...

I’m glad I go to the same Bluesky as all of you guys.

When I used to hump the wicker chair in my bedroom I didn’t realize it was foreshadowing.

I want to make your bad days better. Not, like, resolved or anything. Just higher quality, more effective, more efficiently bad.

a forehead kiss isn’t enough i want him to swallow my whole head

Zillow, I'm begging you... let me comment on the decor

ficklenuts@ficklenuts.bsky.social · 3d ago

The Zillow app really needs to allow the public to comment on these house listings to give sellers a much-needed reality check

The Zillow app really needs to allow the public to comment on these house listings to give sellers a much-needed reality check

It’s so funny when people are like “sure you’re an abolitionist now but wait until you’re the victim of a property crime.” Buddy, the most useful thing the police have ever done for property crime is put the form you need to submit to your insurance online.

i bring a sort of ‘i fear neither pain nor death’ energy to the pedestrian/driver interaction that drivers don’t really like

Nice to meet you. I’ve heard terrible things about you.

Singing “Happy Birthday” to A Horse with No Name and watching the realization on everyone’s faces as we get closer to the end of of the song

The diarrhea lettuce company, Taylor Farms, uses slave labor contracted from the Arizona Dept. of Corrections. The backbreaking labor is often performed by imprisoned Mexican nationals who would be otherwise ineligble to work in the US. They are paid $1.50 an hour.

The Diarrhea Lettuce Company Has Been Linked to Forced Labor

The lettuce-producing Taylor Farms was linked to the widespread use of prison labor before its involvement in a cyclospora outbreak.

futurism.com

Bring back Marble Sculpture levels of horny.

There’s a guy at the farmers market who will read your tomato’s aura for a quarter

Automatically generated passwords are always some shit like "Forlorn Byzantine Tortoise" or "cWdlpD89Rf-02!" and tech support is perpetually shocked that you can't remember them

I want to eat you like a breadstick.

Live Laugh Leave costco through a fire exit with five rotisserie chickens stuffed under my trench coat

A fair number of my skeets are just stupid shit I've texted to people

why are harbingers always of doom why can’t we have harbingers of cake?

I asked Steve if his name is short for "Stevedore" but he refuses to tell me. Some people would say that's because he's a cat and can't talk, but I'm pretty sure it's because he wants to be mysterious

As an empath, I can sense when a bear is mauling me

"I could be wrong," I lied.

I worked at Disney a while ago. Do you know why theme parks are so safe? Because OOSHA reps can walk the track on any ride at any time and any safety violation they see is a $10,000 fine. Each. Theme parks are not safe because the company cares. They're safe because it's cheaper to comply.

Jon of The North@krauza.bsky.social · last wk.

Turns out that food companies were only checking their food because the government told them to, which is exactly why we need government regulations.