What's Bluesky? -shitposters on Twitter

Don't quote me -shitposters on Bluesky

I had no idea aging involved so much moisturizer.

PSA: every MTV Unplugged concert is available on Paramount+

my account still has that new post smell

You didn't check Trivago? You didn't learn to play honkey tonk on a harpsichord? You didn't put banana slices on your PB & J?

I'm pretty laid back unless I hear a phone ring more than once

Bsky is like the old folks home before the old folks home - sure you shit your pants every now and again but it’s mostly fun and games and not the home they send you to die in which is something

reminder that your all your bedsheets are potential ghosts

I can’t read or write but that hasn’t stopped me from making 10k posts.

I refer to soups by their color like Gatorade

maniacal laughter for maniacal circumstances doesn't feel like the best medicine, and that's why I take Prescription Drugs™️

When the state offers me clemency, I make clemonade.

Big news! We now have our very own teen wolf on display, at least until the Department of Social Services steps in.

When I used to hump the wicker chair in my bedroom I didn’t realize it was foreshadowing.

It doesn’t feel strange at all to get horny over a man made of wicker in 2026.

but you don’t understand. i Need to use ai to generate an image of a woman with 3 breasts. if i don’t jerk off within the hour i will die

I’m not religious but I do believe in signs from the universe

lets go girls

A wicker husband would fix me.

i made a bluesky diorama and you're all in it. some of you are made from popsicle sticks and the rest are buttons and twine.

No no no you’re misunderstanding these are tears of JOY I’m masturbating with.

My male pets outnumber the females, and every night my girl cat rubs herself all over my female dog like she’s saying, “Us bitches have to stick together.”

Americans think “free healthcare” means we get unicorn massages (colonoscopies). No, you wait six hours in a waiting room reading a 1987 Maclean’s while your knee turns purple.

it’s funny how people are almost MORE judgmental when you wet your pants sober

I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was.

Red-winged Blackbird Ready for anything...

[getting fucked] whatever you do please don’t fuck me in the ass

The rumors are true I’m a recovering cum addict

can’t remember if i’m supposed to cry or scream when i enter a roundabout so i usually do both