I'm finding it very difficult to talk over you banging that stupid wooden hammer, Your Honor.

I don't want you I want the man you built in front of me bone by borrowed bone, with a mouth full of promises you already knew you couldn't keep Damn you for teaching me the shape of a man who never existed and giving him your face

First guess 💥 Minute Cryptic - 5 September, 2026 "Say, why are you jay-walking around and judging people?" (4) 🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣 🏆 0 hints – 1 under the community par (173,265 solvers so far). www.minutecryptic.com?utm_source=s...

I like grapenuts

Middle-aged bod fueled by beans logging on

“You seem so cool.” Negative. I’m a feminist who will correlate everything back to the patriarchy while simultaneously whining about needing a big, strong man to snuggle up to every night.

Cop: are you under the influence of anything? Me: not yet

I’ve discovered things that biologists have never seen before

Leela 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️@leela-after-dark.bsky.social · yesterday

“Let the purge begin” I say to my refrigerator as I remove all the expired items

Fluidmaster 5000

Therapist: would you date you? Me: i put out, so probably

I'm just like every other teacher (lies down on the classroom floor in the dark during lunch)

Watching my boyfriend sleep but in a creepy way

That's a really lovely picture I refuse to like because of lack of alt text

This subskeet is not about you

Your weirdo name is your first name followed by your last name.

Enjoying the dogpile days of summer

Cookie on patrol. Happy Caturday

I’m determined to make fetch happen today

It’s weird what we’re supposed to think is important.

My first suggestion for the County Psychiatric Hospital is they should make their fence harder to climb over.

Remember, it's never too late or too early to stir up trouble.

It's so discouraging when your heart is in the right place, but your body shape has fallen out of style.

There could be three burglars wresting in my house in the middle of the night and I would just be like oh my cats are being so silly

My dating profile is a pic of me next to my TV with the caption “I have every streaming service and a 65 inch”

Gonna walk by people today and whisper I know what you did

I'm still pissed that it didn't all end on Y2K

Find someone who only has eyes for you.

It costs a fortune to be poor

*El Guapo’s voice* When you want the nap, you take the nap.

finally vacuum packed my blanket pants and Snuggies so expect a cold front