Get up there are four hours of daylight to look forward to.
sisyphus had to reset the boulder between takes on raiders of the lost ark
Modern brains confuse being attacked by a tiger with not being able to make a spreadsheet work properly.
They changed my work laptop wallpaper to a blurry image of a baby turtle. Feels oddly personal
Don't know who needs to hear it but do NOT volunteer for that thing at work today. You deserve happiness
It's so obvious that Godzilla just needs a hug and all the building smashing is a cry for help.
I sure hope no one tries to use my weakness (powerful thighs in slutty shorts) against me anytime soon
i would get high and have a threeway with merry and pippin but only after they drank the ent wine that makes them taller
the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing you that he'd gotten your nose
Under my rule, everyone will be given the opportunity to earn an extra allowance of one (1) silver denarius per week by wearing slutty shorts
Watching tennis for the first time and I gotta say I'm quite enjoying those fast little guys in the corners
there’s a guy in my neighborhood with a cybertruck and when he drives by i give him a thumbs up and when he makes eye contact i turn my thumb down. but i’ve done this enough times that now when he sees me he just starts yelling
Witness me, I whisper, using my trucks to pry a rusted bearing from a wheel in the direction of my own face
All underwear is edible if you aren't a little bitch
Fall in love with a ghost. Live together in an abandoned building. Spend your time together watching mushrooms grow on the carpet.
i dreamt we were statues positioned to gaze at each other for years
at the airport and there are soooooo many unhappy guys in vests at the bar
Don't look now, but your contours are flickering in and out of existence