I'm not telling anyone what to do, but please be nice to me, and also bring me a plate of food.

It's not so much the words of the song as they are written for anybody to sing but in this moment they are just for this moment as if it's spontaneous. Can universes plan intelligently for karaoke? We're inclined to think they never would

I dunno, I'd let a few wild horses drag me away

🎶wiiild horses…🎶

damaged gears damage gears

Pardon me, is this road less traveled by? I don't normally bring an empty barstool out to the woods and gesture as if some path sits alone and approachable next to it but I saw you from across the zooming in on google satellite maps and

Not exactly a calorie deficit kind of day

No one likes a stretched out koozie

Look for my OnlyFans...I go by the handle Osteo Porosis

egg “salad” tuna “salad” okay i’m game, chocolate cake “salad”

Emotionally I'm in a Kohl's singing Jon Secada at the top of my lungs

I want to become moss I am investigating moss I am grateful for moss

A cool thing to say before someone shoots you would be "those bullets better be silver, playboy"

Revenge attack for @taigademon.bsky.social !! :D 🫶 #artfight #artfight2026 #teamtragedy #art #ocsky

Eastern time zone light the fall candles

twirling my hair like ancestors long before

Are you there, God? It's me, the guy who makes creepy Judy Blume references

Trying to decipher how many grams of protein I'm getting out of this jar of french onion dip.

I wish I could wear a fedora and solve mysteries with my pet corgi but I already solved all the mysteries AMA

doesn’t crime go down when most people are generally having their basic needs met, or something like that

the last superhero movie I saw that I actually enjoyed was The Crow

Some people don't just do their job; they completely change the energy of a room. I am incredibly lucky to say I’ve worked beside the most amazing nurse I have ever known gofund.me/4ac844f0d

Donate to Nurse Becky Cared for Us—Now It’s Our Turn, organized by Samantha Czosnek

I have gone back and forth about sharing this. Asking for help does not … Samantha Czosnek needs your support for Nurse Becky Cared for Us—Now It’s Our Turn

gofund.me

Yeah but do you even have a favourite shark, bro?

sure ben folds but when does ben unfold

As I was explaining to my grandpa how likes and reposts work he started writing me out of his will

could really use a deviled egg based holiday right now

r.i.p.: rest in potatoes

"I could be wrong," I lied.

Picked up my 25 year old coworker and Blink-182 was playing. She nodded in approval. I said, “It’s the 90s mix on Pandora.” I could’ve stopped there. I should’ve stopped there but instead I said with reflection, “Yeah. I was there when it all was happening.” She did not react to that bit of news.