just so i could throw away my 12 inch single of starship’s ‘we built this city.’ i wanted to make sure it was buried deep in the earth where it couldn’t hurt anyone ever again. my life has been, not a series of ups & downs, but rather a string of
PAM!
@pamtoo.bsky.social
PLAYLIST⏩ https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_f9l34fRAigpSz6dwL26S9VPbm64c3YV&si=FyZpJqS8sisXrfuV It me👉 https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaac3kgfuy24q
the lunatic: four score & quite some time ago a woman found me wandering around in a 7-eleven with 25 cents in my pocket & zero direction in life. so, she bought me a slurpee & some nachos & the next thing i knew we were married & suddenly
me, giving a speech at my friend’s wedding: please don’t let my joyless existence have a negative effect on this special occasion. it’s not about me, it’s about you two. nothing’s a mistake if nothing matters, right?
(Dumping a big box of googly eyes onto the pizza before shoving it into the oven) My grandmother brought this recipe over from the old country
me: i had a dream that johnny appleseed pointed to his wife’s titties & said ‘how you like dem apples’ & then george washington carver pointed to his crotch & said 'how you like deez nuts' my gynecologist: what
*eating a cottage cheese sandwich* lol who told you bsky isn’t cool all my bsky friends are cool
GIVE THE MAN A FISH AND MAKE HIM GO AWAY ALREADY I HAVE OTHER SHIT TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW.
It is, once again, "morning", The time where I press a button to raise my bed until I'm used to the idea of being upright again.
We are the only internet that has age verification for perverts. If you are a pervert, we will remember your birthday every year and send you a fun little note.
an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride
In my pocket, I keep a bunch of different wildcard playing cards I have purloined from various games, so if I am ever in a situation I find uncomfortable for any reason, I pull one out & slap it down on the table & yell wildcard!!! And then I run away.
God I’m so sick of perfect, beautiful people. Glad you guys are here
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOBODY INFLATED THE SEVENTEEN 42" BEACH BALLS AND THE PARTY STARTS IN AN HOUR?!
The exchange rate from dirty to magnificent is clearly a dozen to seven. Honestly I’m not sure magnificence is worth getting over 40% less.
Insane that I alone am the protagonist here on planet Earth. What are the odds?
Just a reminder… Pizza is pizza when you bake it up, then you let it cool down and eat. youtu.be/yCL7pcScGqE?...
Cartoon Planet 2012: Brak - Pizza Song
YouTube video by Domino's Domain
youtu.be
I woke up early and meditated why isn’t the universe just handing me billions of dollars?
When you get to the end of the hallway and find an enormous pile of hotdogs
YOU ARE AMAZING ⭐ if you are evil please disregard this message
(fluffles in with a ridiculous dress and crinoline) I'm throwing a party 🎉
Looking forward to licking the pudding spoon tonight (not a euphemism)
A plantain is just a banana who joined the Peace Corps.
[inside of a Trojan horse]: ugh is someone reheating fish in here