Let my tombstone read as follows: It's not that serious
Lapis.liya
@lapis-liya.bsky.social
✨Caveat emptor✨ Hold the bastards accountable.
If I were an eccentric recluse living in a dilapidated mansion I would make all the grocery delivery boys disappear
Hear me out... A video game where you can go rent movies at Blockbuster. But we gotta come up with a way to replicate the scent and have it sprayed on you periodically for authenticity's sake
Where I go first when I read replies, sweary cunts are my people.
Sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and watch Dr. Strangelove
New favorite flower dropped wtvbam.com/2026/08/04/m...
Mountain flower from China joins the world’s carnivorous plant club
By Marta Serafinko Aug 4 (Reuters) - For most insects, a flowering alpine plant might seem an unlikely predator. But researchers have discovered that a delicate wildflower that grows in rocky mountain...
wtvbam.com
Me: Can I have a gin and tonic? Them: Sir, this is an elementary school party. Me: Fine. MAY I have a gin and tonic?
[baby court] ME: I’d like to remind the defendant that I still have his nose
If you're ever hiking in the woods and get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky and you'll know which way space is.
nobody drinks problematically because of alien crop circles anymore
If I were in the military right now you can bet I'd be on my way to Gitmo on Treason charges over putting "Surrender. Institute Communism." into the box.
Blaise Ulysse Bernard Collins@wittywebhandle.bsky.social · 3d agoThe 'Suggestion Box' phase in a fruitless war is generally not a great Historical moment to find yourself in
Who said I had to move in order to do things? This is bullshit.
Hey babe do you wanna go searching for infinite patterns in the mould spreading on the walls?
Some ants got into the 5 mg gummy I accidentally left out and I just wanna wish them godspeed
Ok, so naked walking apparently means walking without GPS, music or any kind of tech. I wish I had known this an hour ago.
Cool kids eat dinner late (Not pictured, sushi rice and lemon)
Like a good neighbor, dead God is there.
sweetie π@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 4d agoasking jake from state farm if he thinks god is dead
finally, the Democratic party has a plan.
me: orange juice reply from a mutual: yeag reply from someone who joined the site a week ago: I don’t want to see this. Get it off my feed. Remove it. I hate you.
Getting my mom's house ready to list for sale and the two songs I can't get out of my head are "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me" by Linda Ronstadt and "Return to Pooh Corner" by Kenny Loggins (there's a line that goes "You'd be surprised there's so much to be done"). It's an interesting mashup.
In an incident I absolutely do not recall happening a few weeks ago, one of our very young guests apparently hit Jeremy with a hula hoop, so his grandma said they had to go home. Today he and his brother sent apology cards and a dollar for Jeremy to buy snacks.
My religious beliefs are that Jay Leno’s afterlife will be him interviewing and being interviewed by himself.
The ad said, “the last doormat you’ll ever have to buy” so that means we’ve reached the apex in the evolution of doormats and can now scratch that off our list.