Today marks a very special day in science fiction literature. May I present to you, "There Will Come Soft Rains" by Ray Bradbury:

Man goes to see the Cyclops. Says he's depressed. He wants to get back to his wife and home, but he keeps running into fatal predicaments along the way. Cyclops says, "Prognosis is simple. Nobody can help you." Man starts crying. Says, "But Cyclops, I *am* Nobody"

[realizing how fucked up my life is as i eat a mcgriddle with cheese on it] 🎶 and i said, “what about, breakfast epiphanies” 🎶

“I want the last apple!” “No, I want the last apple!” Me (knows the Banach-Tarski paradox): “Kids, you can BOTH have the entire last apple”

Our Age of Bronze is collapsing, Liz Lemon

I have HAD IT with these wine-dark oddys on this wine-dark sea.

ME: I had to fix dad's computer after the power surge. HER: Motherboard? ME: No, she was watching TV.

The creator of Roger Rabbit (who is 85 years old by the way) is a good sort Crossposted with @openvibe.social

[leaving the room that has the fan that rotates side to side] see ya later, oscillator 😭

"Just a whisper. I hear it in my ghost."

👟New comic: Baby Shoes, Never Worn👟

how do you turn a duck into a jazz singer boil it until its bill withers

(Trying to make conversation with a neurotypical couple) “So, which one of you is motivated by novelty and urgency, and which one is motivated by interest and challenge?”

I’m about to turn this existential crisis into a shitpost

You’ve broken your last social scene

geist@prettyvulgar.bsky.social · last mo.

you’ve sugared your last ray

Musical Dad Joke of the Day: 🎵Take me down to Paraphrase City where it's nice.🎶 #DJotD

donne: no man is an island! *he leaps to pull off my island disguise, i jump out the window and into street. his partner expects him to pursue, but he smiles and starts ringing a bell* me: who’s that for? who’s that for? *a bus runs me over* partner: but, how did you know? donne: don’t ask *wink*

Please sir, my lake, it’s mid.

geist@prettyvulgar.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Please sir, my trees, they are screaming

Please sir, my checkers. They are chubby.

Spider-President Warren G. Harding@popeawesomexiii.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Please sir, my temple pilots. They are stone.

Taco Tubesday

[sign on bilbo's gate] “No Admittance Except on Parity Business”

John M Danskin🐸@johnmdanskin.bsky.social · 2mo ago

It's prudent to include a 9th, parity hobbit, in case one of the other hobbits is corrupted by a palantir.

Merge two movies: I Jigsaw the TV Glow

Reddington@katarinarostovairl.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Merge two movies: Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Robin Hood: Men In Tights

Salt and pepper are lowkey goated when seasoning is the vibe.

data centers are little oil wells for turning local resources like water, land and electricity into money and wiring that money to the cayman islands over the internet

Mina the follow4follower