If you need me, I’ll be busking supertramp covers on a fender 12-string exactly 30 meters from the ladies restroom at O’Hare international airport for the next four hours.

Sorry for being so loud, I'm not allowed to laugh at home

Day two of waking up my wife in the nude by shouting IT’S COCKTOBER

October 2, 2019

If somebody passes me in a Nissan Altima, I don’t get upset about it. I know they just need to get home real quick before their ankle monitor alerts their parole officer. 

Reverse cowgirl. Her skeleton is on the outside. Her superfluous nipples tickling her intestines. She wants to die, and I don’t blame her 

It’s my dead dad‘s birthday today. I see people making posts about their dads and it goes like “he’s always believed in me,” or, “he told me I could do anything,” but all mine ever did was tell me I was stupid and lazy and wouldn’t amount to anything.

My entire life is just sending shit out into the ether and hoping for the best

why are you eating all those french fries [me] you told me to hydrate what [me] car-bo-hydrate its right there in the word

This sounds like a threat

Me, listening to absolutely anything by Bully

For personal reasons I’m gonna raise some hell

I chased a waterfall and caught that thing immediately because it ain’t got no fucking feet 

Me: *skips a rock perfectly across a pond* Fred Flintstone: OH NO MY CELL PHONE

I’d like to thank @prettyvulgar.bsky.social for volunteering her ample bosom. I must admit I underestimated their capacity. I didn’t think there was any way in hell they could hold up a 3 foot long, 1/2 inch drive breaker bar, with a 21 mm deep well socket but here’s the proof that, yes, they could

mensch@prettyvulgar.bsky.social · 7d ago

🫡

Threads is the WatchMojo of microblogging 

Gonna go put new brakes on the Toyota. Need some gal with an ample bosom to hold wrenches between her tits. Weirdos welcome.

Can’t wait to hear what we’re supposed to be mad about today

this must be what god felt like when he built neck vertebrae -my kid filling her chicken jockey pez

Me: Where’d you get the goth hot tub? Him: That’s a barrel of crude oil.

My tattoo is of Herve Villachez, Tattoo, from Fantasy Island. It covers my whole back.

A meat raffle where they raffle off our most feared meats.

Country music, eh? See if you can spot me in this country music video: youtu.be/Nx2XOIZlNew?...

King Of The Ashes

YouTube video by India Ramey

youtu.be

This day in history. 1975. French Community Day in Belgium. I guess this means there's a Flemish Community Day too but who knows with those people.

we're trying to catch a deluge in a paper cup tn come through

The only ring I’m ever putting on a man’s finger is my butthole.

I plan on continuing to be gross until further notice. OK now I’m done being gross. There will be no notice when I decide to start being gross again 

Taking a page from OpenAI, Steve’s Hotdog Stand rented a billboard ad on Highway 38 saying that his chili dogs could wipe out all of humanity if left unchecked 

This sucks I'm on a plane to Vegas and the pilots just ran outta the cockpit in squirrel costumes and whatnot #FurryInvasion

Every time you smell something, microscopic pieces of it have successfully reached the inside of your nose. Anyway, enjoy the county fair.