BeTheCookie
@bethecookie.bsky.social
Possibly not a cookie, but definitely a Cookie
Oh no, the local animal shelter has to place all their dogs in foster homes immediately and oh no, I've googled up their website and oh nooooo
Trying to teach this spiral ham to go down the stairs like a slinky
ITS 5:30 A.M. YOUR ONLY CHOICES ARE CRYING OR KICKING ASS. OR COFFEE. YOU COULD ALSO COFFEE.
Text BOOBS to 58008 for quick delivery of recursive nonsense.
I think the most efficient use of AI would be to replace the billionaires. Just think of the savings we could generate.
What if the moon wobbles off and slams into us
no one owns the night but you can lease it for the low low price of your eternal soul
Just threw a major tantrum so I could send myself to bed
I tried the old “Adeadguysayswhat?” Trick with Mitch McConnell, but he didn’t say “what?” So he must be alive…
emergency situation but i use the last of my phone battery to listen to music instead of calling for help
A Force ghost of Mitch McConnell watches over Stephen as he thumb-sucks himself to sleep reading Mein Kampf.
Once informed of the average grass quality and ratio of pretty girls in other towns, Axl Rose sued Paradise City for fraud.
is “stephen miller” an anagram of “antichrist”, or do i just not get anagrams, nor religion?
Dear media types you do not have to use the word ‘snubbed’ every time someone does not win a prize. Love always Hav
Cats are at their highest level of “yeah pick up the pace, bitch” when they watch me clean the litter box and then immediately go when I’m done.
maybe baby likes it in the corner, johnny maybe sitting in the corner allows her to see all angles of the room but did you ask her? no you’re too busy pelvis thrusting
So, the Tate rapist doesn't like his stay in lockup. Sleeping with one eye open so he doesn't end up on his neighbor's dinner plate. Problem is, he still has it better than those in any of Shitler's concentration camps.
maybe I was born with it maybe I have the power of grayskull
Pinterest now has more monthly users than Twitter. I love this for Elon.
Dibs on the band name Demon-Animated Personal Travel Apparatus