I've got a dad back
@dadback.bsky.social
It's just jokes https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:vukmt5ibip7vl3a3ll4d37hb/feed/aaakqjbhan7bm
Me: *does the robot* Interviewer: I meant skills related to the job.
A threesome? Too much going on at once. I can’t even back out of the driveway while the radio’s on.
I can be very normal around baggy sweatpants when they hang off the hip a little.
Stop saying "log into a portal." Sounds way too cool for what's happening.
the eagles: you can check out any time you like but you can never leave me: that’s not how hotels work
If tick eradication becomes a centrist-brained obsession, I'm here for it gift link: www.theatlantic.com/health/2026/...
Kill the Ticks
America needs a bigger plan to control its tick problem.
theatlantic.com
if someones child is crying in public it means their bloodline is weak and you are right to mug them
Me: Can I have a gin and tonic? Them: Sir, this is an elementary school party. Me: Fine. MAY I have a gin and tonic?
Interviewer: would you pass a drug test? Me: fire away, I know all of them
“What’s a beautiful girl like you doing in a dump like this,” I ask, motioning to the entire country
You have died from eating Oregon Trail Mix
Oooooh so close! White sneakers is actually gym clothes
In this episode ill be eating everything i find under my couch. Glory to god the creator. Without Him we are nothing. Alright lets get this couch lifted up. LOTTA cat hair wow. Ok lets get started
Babe, Jerry's back and my reply to his post is doing well. Is that a new suitcase?
when other people talk about their wild college days they mean binge drinking and promiscuity but when I do it I mean the time I carefully forged a school parking pass and got away with it for several semesters before my car got impounded by campus police
New baby hippo born at Berlin Zoo. Named Brötchen. Which means "little bread roll." You're welcome
Batman the animated series made me believe in a formative manner that there’d be a whole Fucking lot more goddamn blimps in my life. But there’s almost no blimps. Every time I see a blimp, I gasp. I shouldn’t have to gasp. Blimp should be around for my life. Where blimp
Are you there, God? It's me, the guy who makes creepy Judy Blume references
Okay I'm ready for your headstone order. I got his name, dates, and the pictures. What did you want the bottom to say again?
can I "stay on top" of the laundry? no, absolutely not will I randomly enter a state where I wash, dry, fold and put away 10 loads of clothes in a single frenzied rush? oh you KNOW it