Such bullshit that my bank won’t let me roll over my CD into a slush fund

Hitherto and, quite frankly, whereas uhhhh…the common good, which, for our umm…purposes…

DONKEYMITE is upon us

Groceries@crisiscake.bsky.social · 1h ago

once the current contract runs out their next promotion is covered

once the current contract runs out their next promotion is covered

In many cultures, asses and cocks are something completely different than what you’re thinking and picturing right now 

Calmly explaining “bitch madness” to my primary care provider

I believe every cockroach i encounter immediately fixates on me and will leap across any distance directly onto my face and down my shirt

Please note: Going forward, any screenwriter who uses the throwaway phrases "get some rest" or "get some sleep" as lazy scene closers, should get slapped on the dick for being boring and unoriginal. Nobody says that shit IRL unless they watch too much TV.

Vegemite…Does 49.9% of your soon to be realized Wester related gross profits sound about right? I’ll send over a contract

Donkey Hotay 💩@donkee.bsky.social · 22h ago

Proposing new holiday called Wester to celebrate the atheist god of sunsets complete with every kid’s fave, The Wester Wallaby leaving vegemite sandwiches hidden in the attics of all those worthy

Ate a weed gummy to help me sleep Woke up an hour later from the munchies

I wrote you a poem. It goes: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *coughs blood*

Samuel L. Jackson on board game night: “we gotta get these mother fucking snakes away from these mother fucking ladders!”

I’ll bet the primordial soup had lentils in it.

an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride

give a man a fish and he'll probably eat it i don't know what else he would do it's one fish bro let it go

Homophobia and Transphobia are concrete signs you’re a fucking idiot that is way too involved in other people’s lives and you should get your own. Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.

What’s not to like?

I may not have all the answers but I got plenty of fucking questions

Easter is leaster But Wester is the bester

Donkey Hotay 💩@donkee.bsky.social · 22h ago

Proposing new holiday called Wester to celebrate the atheist god of sunsets complete with every kid’s fave, The Wester Wallaby leaving vegemite sandwiches hidden in the attics of all those worthy

My comic book villain name is: MACHO CHEESE

Waking up to Sharia Law in NYC is crazy. Knicks won, crime is down, 2,000 toddlers are going to school for free, parents got “date night” with nyc babysitters, they’re building housing on city land, small businesses are saving money and selling ice cream. Its sunny out i should go get one.

Stop. You had me at “Let’s leave before it gets crowded.”

so apparently those little plastic caps that they use to baby proof power outlets are also adult proof too, cause i couldnt get it off with my finger, so naturally i used the metal chisel in my toolbelt. yeah. i know.

If you could read my mind I really wouldn’t.

If you're far from the sea, a phone-throwing pond will do in a pinch.

My cursed amulet stays on during sex. (Me, flirting)

Claude please write my dissertation on the causal relationship between AI and human despair

How about an app that tells me where to get the basic fucking necessities of life within my budget JT: Call that BaseFuck

Up next on 60 mins…when all the peasants are deceased, how long will it take elon to hard boot his own taint each morning? We’ll discuss with Claude and Perplexity

So you’re saying neither of my US senators have ever lived in a 2 br 1 bath apartment down the road from the refineries?