Accidentally had avocado toast for lunch instead of paying my mortgage again.

How many clicks does it take to get to the center of the internet?

When taking things at face value, consider the face. 

🔥 Leopard is fascinated by a passing dung beetle rolling its ball of animal waste

Can we cancel mean people?

As I was explaining to my grandpa how likes and reposts work he started writing me out of his will

Music is the closest we will ever get to time travel

[wine & paint night] Wife: wtf is that Me: Rihanna fighting Godzilla in machu picchu Wife: Drunk Guy Behind Me: that's fuckin rad

I unsubscribed from your bullshit but I keep getting it

Don't you know water is bad for you, except for drinking? 😼💧💖 #cats #concern #bath

Ignoring my phone ringing in my hand while scrolling busy.

Nothing more chilling than catching a glimpse of oneself on the Ring App.

Gov. Andy Beshear is (finally) calling out Mitch McConnell:

I’ve decided that people are just a no for me.

A win! It’s already falling apart. A key grand jury witness testified that the area around the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool was already damaged and would have needed repairs regardless of the actions allegedly taken by former Olympic canoeist Casey Eichfeld.

It pissed me off that so much nosy bullshit is done in the name of "protecting women and girls". You won't take stalking cases seriously enough, but that's fine because you're organizing the piss patrol to make sure no one walks in with a Male Skull Shape

That moment when you go to take a pic of the moon and the clouds roll in, so you decide to shoot a spooky vid instead

OH. COME. ON.

Todd Blanche has until Friday to allow him to personally review the unredacted Epstein Files in question in Katie Phang’s lawsuit claiming Blanche is covering up crimes. Five days.

Judge's 'unexpected' Epstein files demand reveals dark truth about Todd Blanche: expert

A federal judge's “unexpected” demand to Attorney General Todd Blanche regarding the Epstein files proves a bedrock judicial principle is “on life support," a legal expert argued Sunday.Federal Judge ...

rawstory.com

If Mitch McConnell is alive, I tell ya, it’s fucking weird how he’s not trying to do more to show everyone that he is. I mean, why wouldn’t you?

Kinda proving that you’re NOT in the Epstein files. Same sort of thing

"Fine you can sleep here but only for tonight..."

"Is it too early for an edible?" I asked, then laugh to myself.

Call me a stickler but I don’t think I should have to pay for a whole cake when most of it was hiding a stripper

NEW: Daniel Siad, the primary modeling scout and recruiter for Jeffrey Epstein, has been discovered dead in his home in Paris. Siad, himself, was also accused of raping young women. I’m gathering the latest and will report on my YouTube channel, Katie Phang News.

I don't understand why Gov. Beshear doesn't just call the special election now. If they cry foul that you can't replace a living senator, all McConnell has to do is actually be alive.

Fellow Americans, behold the United States President, opining with all the maturity, dignity and splendor of his high office: