That's not even close to the right treatment for Parkinson's. She should get a new doctor.
Overheard someone hiss into their phone, “I realize that, but I cannot miss Theodore’s bassoon recital,” and now I have a new catch-all excuse
You can kill a French vampire with a baguette. It's a painstaking process but it works.
DOGBERT: what's got you so cranky CATBERT: must've seen himself in a mirror DILBERT: my boss took credit for weeks of work i did on a big project, AGAIN BLACKMOLDBERT: why not take a deep breath DILBERT: you're right... thanks BLACKMOLDBERT: feel your lungs expand
Could Excel be conscious? We surveyed more than Jan 1 1900 people to find out.
They keep calling it a "re"-education camp but honestly I'm learning a lot of stuff that I never even knew in the first place so this has been a really humbling experience for me
in 2026, devil’s lettuce is just salad that gives you diarrhea
I have this idea for a game show called Less Online, where the more online spouse/partner tries to explain something to their less online partner and they are racing against another couple to see who gets it first. (this morning I tried to explain the grink to my husband)
![transgender valley authority @Grey_Athena
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[Inside the Mesoamerican Ballgame League]
Ernie: "An absolutely shocking upset today, the top-seeded Tenochtitlan Eagles lost to the Tlacopan Jaguars in an action-packed playoff match"
Shaq: "Where they goin, Chuck?"
Charles: "Sacrificed to Huitzilopochtli"
2:48 PM 10/24/24 426K Views
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transgender valley authority @Grey_... 4h Kenny: The new guys don't know what the game was like. Bring back the sacrifices.
Chuck: I saw one of these new players say that we played against "weavers and peasants" back in our day, that we don't get how it's changed.
Shaq: And you still got no rings playing against them](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:bumu6s332o24fppobse7j3ms/bafkreidzdsmv3vcsod2vi4vpcwgruvo3tuej7ov46t5lowqpm4jeb7b2ra)
If you gave Thomas Jefferson a smartphone to help him write the Declaration of Independence he’d probably be like “holy shit look at all this porn” and we’d still be a British colony
And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.”
It was the best of times (What?) It was the worst of times (What?) It was the combination best of times and worst of times
Me in 1768: I dislike the new Prime Minister and the Steam Machine is still too expensive. Me in 2026: I dislike the new Prime Minister and the Steam Machine is still too expensive.
So annoying — getting William the Conqueror's emails again
The way I feel when people use "ask" as a noun is what I imagine my grandparents felt when men stopped wearing hats