[murderer while in the middle of murdering me] did you just call timeout
I have been living on mine since Bon Jovi told me it was ok
Using up the prayer Duran Duran asked me to save for them a couple of decades ago
first rule of “I had a lot of potential” club is talk about how you had a lot of potential
Make sure that limb is strong enough before venturing out on it.
i'm not positive or inspirational. i'm just a stack of pretty pictures in a trench coat.
What if i was a rock, cool and smooth Sat in a river, where nothing else matters, Except the ebb and flow of the tide
"I am a mature adult!" I shout as I go back to enjoying my pre-nap juice box.
before carpentry, we knew Jesus from his tap dancing days
if you log off now you might be able to catch the end of our way of life
It has always been my dream to live alone in a dune shack on the outer Cape and write middling fiction using a typewriter. The waste basket in the corner would be overflowing with balls of crumpled paper and I’d never finish
an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride
Fuck it, Halloween starts right now and runs through February 15th. You're welcome.
This is not the dystopian hellscape I imagined for my children
[mr. brightside voice] my friggin’ back, it’s killing me
please stop replying “skill issue” on all my posts
printing out your skeets and crumpling them into a ball for a three-pointer.
