Sometimes they frolic

Teach a man to fish and he’ll get drunk on a boat for one day. Feed a man to a fish and you’ll have a cool story for the rest of your life

an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride

I want a girl in a wedding dress and an orange jacket

bought several decorative soaps yesterday, and I feel like a new person

Rooster made more bouquets.

body autonomy

“Son of A Preacher Man” is a good soundtrack for life. Driving along a lonesome highway? Son of a preacher man. Eating a wheel of cheese? Son of a preacher man. Having sex with a guy named Billy Ray? Son of a motherfucking preacher man

onf: something (or someone) that's so proportionately both on and off that it can't be either or neither

Today I have come across a gem. One that allows me to fix up broken spreadsheets full of mislabeled knowledge. I can imagine it will be of great use to the bone people and their progeny

I got a new purse. It only has a single compartment that everything goes into. I think I’ve solved every problem in my life. 

When a remote majesty and the potential for new discovery and danger see you as an adventure, don't just quit your job. Get itchy. Make people lost and call me. I'm a wheeler dealer sayin scat instead of shit

I generally think I’m mature and grown-up but I was going through old stuff and I did rip up every picture of a particular person who hurt me. Closure, baby.

Charlie (right) and his lady friend, Sparky (not my cat but pretends to be) are so in love this summer.

Sorry, I didn't see of the instructions after "Close your eyes."

Remember that time you borrowed three Gs to bet on the ponies? Well, Pepperidge Farm remembers and Pepperidge Farm wants their money.

New guy is a looker for sure and smells completely different than the yellows. First bloom in years. 10/10

Of course now I understand that Tutu Tuesday goes way back to the birth of humanity, but I first learned about it in my circus years as a completely ordinary custom and it's nice to see how loved it has become

Careful of spicy food when I go out, what if it's too spicy and it makes me hiccup all night and I get so frustrated that I throw up on the server and the manager yells at me and challenges me to single combat

The world has ended. Society has collapsed. Packs of dogs run through the empty city streets. And I'm running with them going "guys am I doing this right? Guys? Guys???"

If you're going to be loud, you owe it to the community to be interesting.

my wife and i share a single login for the local grocery store rewards program and one huge benefit of this is that it has helped me memorize her phone number

I'm stuck somewhere between the future looks bright & life has passed me by.

My elderly mother is still warning me to beware of "internet hobbits" & also "all of that really creepy A-One stuff," and I corrected her the first few times on how to say it, but then I stopped when I realized I enjoy her and her way of putting things more.

One time uncle Moizel floated down the LA River all the way to Long Beach on a raft made of used flip flops.

Tonight we return to an old production. One which masters the unease that we strive for while searching for comparability. Not for me though. I prefer the bugs

Slept well in the hotel bed except that part where I had to get up to vomit my Thai dinner

This family is so tame. My heart is happy every time…never gets old.

A good friend will help you with anything except having that first friend and saying "I'd like to go from zero to one with you!" only works on robots