the energy I bring to Bluesky

Alt: Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) - I have no response to that

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Big news! We now have our very own teen wolf on display, at least until the Department of Social Services steps in.

maniacal laughter for maniacal circumstances doesn't feel like the best medicine, and that's why I take Prescription Drugs™️

ATTENTION: finally updated my long-abandoned YouTube channel with a rehearsal of a song by a group that my late father really loved, The Bee Gees; check it out I HAVE SPOKEN www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqh3...

I Started a Joke (Bee Gees acoustic cover rehearsal)

YouTube video by Half a Person

youtube.com

Our cobra will be taking a well earned holiday. In the interim, we will be featuring non-stop screenings of the 1986 Sylvester Stallone classic, Cobra.

Anyone who tuned into the Croc Cam Livestream today is eligible to receive three complementary therapy sessions.

Here at Greeneville Zoo we do things a little differently. All of our animals (yes even the snakes) wear socks, for example.

Kavinsky and GoST gone in the same year 😥. such a tragic loss for their families and for the synthwave scene.

Testarossa Kavinsky

Alt: gif of french synthwave artist Kavinsky in a red lamborghini

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sorry i’m late, i was up all night gleaming the cube

my proctologist told me that out of all his patients, i’m his favourite piece of ass

i slowly emerge from under your bed playing Baker Street on the saxophone

commando to-do list: 1. carry giant log on shoulder 2. find jenny 3. kill bennet with steam pipe

coworker: is everything okay? me: yeah, why? coworker: because your hair is on fire me: i know

[at the beach] hey babe, how about you ditch the baddie and get with the saddie *we slowly walk into the ocean together to live amongst the blobfish*

fiona apple: i’ve been a bad bad girl me: go to your room

*using the shea butter infused toilet paper* whores will have their trinkets

*complimenting my coworker’s socks* nice foot gloves

Nobody ever explained to me what a passkey is or how they work. Websites just started asking me for passkeys like it's something we talked about.

keep making the mistake of telling men my whole life’s purpose now is to continue to give my cats the life they’ve become accustomed to

women be like I needed this and it’s a lobotomy

Foley artist beaten to death in his apartment. Neighbors reporting hearing a lot of celery being snapped.

I miss the old days when people would just cough once then quietly pass away

[girl introducing boyfriend to parents in 2026] GF: Mom, dad, this is Ricky, he has fuckin boss-ass content

My dietary requirements are pretty complex. I need something from the four food groups: ✅ rooty ✅ tooty ✅ fresh ✅ fruity

A group of people who refuse to get help is called a family

Loving myself is not required, I am cordial with myself and would give myself a ride to the airport if needed. I don’t think more attachment is necessary

why is it always incandescent why can’t i be bioluminescent with rage

Well, *slapping thighs and standing* time for my scheduled cry

A new software update is available! Bug fixes: Computer now makes incredibly loud kookaburra noises in the middle of the night > Update now / Remind me later

A man walks into a horse bar. Why the short face, asks the horse bartender. The man begins crying. He is the last human left on horse world.