If I lose one more button from one more shirt, sew help me...
Barba Papa π³οΈβπ The Bear Did Lady
@thebeardidlady.bsky.social
Magician, drag queen, poet, uncle, singer/songwriter. Latest https://tinyurl.com/3pbs96xz Greatest https://tinyurl.com/4a6t5xnc Oldest https://tinyurl.com/yst6vyfc
Them: "We want to see tougher sentences!" Me: *hands them Dostoyevsky*
I wonder what Dua Lipa's old rules were.
I tried tantric sex once but I got cum in my third eye.
*squelching sounds* Wife: what are you listening to? Me: it's classic jizz
THERAPIST: We should talk about your trust issues. ME: Why? Are you a cop? You know you have to tell me if you are.
It's not drinking alone when alcohol is an old, old friend you have known for many years.
Just Call Me Amandaπββ¬πββ¬@amandabf.bsky.social Β· 2d agoIt's not drinking alone when you parasocialize.
I bet that little bald kid from The Matrix loves a good spoonerism
With great power comes great responsibility β Spider-Man Owing to current fiscal constraints, great responsibility comes with no increase in salary β Spider-Manager
Unless it finishes after 30 seconds and falls asleep, that dildo isnβt that realistic
MAGICIAN: Is this your card? MAN: No MAGICIAN: Is this your card? MAN: No. When is our regular postman back from holiday?
GREEK SOLDIER: *whispering* do you have a girlfriend OTHER GREEK SOLDIER: *also whispering* yeah but you donβt know her she goes to a different horse
Mr. Bumble: βNow, boys, you may each pick a team for the rugby World Cup. Twist, you pick first.β βPlease Sir I want Samoa.β
Google Auto pestered me for a net promoter score How was your Gemini experience today? ππ½ππ½ There wasn't an option marked "I'm fucking driving you fucking brainless fuckwit".
Drunk drag king name: Ethan Knoll
I bought some travel sweets and ate the full packet, didn't get anywhere.
Wondering how I did it? I boiled water and added two tablespoons of vinegar, baking soda, and lemon juice. I soaked it for 20 minutes, and after that, it looked the same, so I bought a brand new one.
mountain dew or mountain donβt. there is no mountain try.
Margaret Thatcher did all her own ironing.
when there was only one set of footprints that was when I ghosted you
This joke is so dad it yelled at me for not opening the window
Barba Papa π³οΈβπ The Bear Did Lady@thebeardidlady.bsky.social Β· last wk.Fogged up bathroom mirror? It could mean you are entitled to condensation.
Fogged up bathroom mirror? It could mean you are entitled to condensation.