Before blocking me, you really should have to write 100 page dissertation explaining why. 
Literally
@ummliterally.bsky.social
chopped unc All my skeets - https://bsky.app/profile/ummliterally.bsky.social/search Best skeets bc I'm vain: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nixduwqrwjgbdembbg3xqyzb/feed/aaafyhv3we6vy
Do you ever stop to pick up pretty rocks or has your transformation into a full-blown asshole complete?
They didn’t specify what type, so I turned my ass cheeks and farted.
Yes, I am smart and stupid. You could say I'm smupid or stupart if you like.
To any of you who’ve needed to wear trash bags as foul weather gear, I salute you 🫡
They should invent friends you can see when you’re not online
at night they used to just stop playing things on the TV. they’d play the national anthem over a shot of the flag and then it would just be snow until morning… grandchild: OK sure grandma lets get you back to bed
I have strong critical thinking skills: ⚪️ strongly disagree ⚪️ disagree ⚪️ neutral ⚪️ agree 🔘 strongly agree I often stand up quickly and bang my head into the upper cabinet door I just opened so hard I see stars: ⚪️ strongly disagree ⚪️ disagree ⚪️ neutral ⚪️ agree 🔘 strongly agree
No, I would describe her bitch face as very active. I doubt it ever rests.
Jesus and Zeus walk into a bar in a Spanish-speaking country. Someone yells "Hey Zeus!" Both slowly turn toward the camera.
Is suck my imaginary dick ,followed by one exclamation mark or two? I want this text to my neighbour to be perfect
Them: Watcha wearing? Me: Generational trauma and linen pants I got on sale at Winner’s
Just to be clear, if you call me immediately after I send you a text, I will throw my phone into the ocean.
WARNING: New facial recognition software will recognize when you've had a facial and look beautiful.
instant gratification isn’t enough. gratification should anticipate what i want
"not gonna lie" Narrator: He was definitely about to lie.
I’d see more movies in theaters if it weren’t for everyone else seeing a movie in a theater
Buying a block of good cheese is suddenly an impressive financial milestone in this economy.
There are earthquake warning signs near Kennedy family burial sites, bc they often simultaneously roll over in their graves, due to RFK Jr.
Having eaten at McDonalds more than once I’m pretty sure I know what life is like for a dung beetle.
No one: Not a single person: Every Jason ever: After June, the next five months spell JASON.
Shut the fuck up -sent from my Westinghouse smart fridge
Don’t worry folks once all the terminally ill Medicaid recipients are back in the workforce the economy will really be healthy again
I accidentally took a pen from a big hotel chain. I'm glad they printed the address on it so I can mail it back because I sure don't want any trouble.
I bidetmaxxed and water has been leaking out my butthole for a week.