There’s a lot of funny, beautiful, kind people too. It’s not monsters all the way down. The bad ones stick out because there’s so much good.

Not saying I’m well-endowed but let’s just say I drink Oolong tea.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Fucking expensive these days.

Let my tombstone read as follows: It's not that serious

Anyone who says these are nacho wolves will be fed to the secret third thing 🏆👑 Congratulations @klaybourne.bsky.social from @officelinebacker.bsky.social

Kat Alderson 🙃@klaybourne.bsky.social · 24h ago

Nope. Can't. Feeding the two wolves inside of me. (they like nachos)

Nature always finds a way

a backrooms sequel but it’s just me in every room eating soup

Nope. Can't. Feeding the two wolves inside of me. (they like nachos)

Before the internet we had to shout at books

I’ll eat a Spring Roll in the middle of Summer, cuz that’s the kind of badass that I am.

This is Fran. She decided to make you a bowl of her famous bean soup. The secret ingredient is toe beans. 13/10 (TT: franfrannoodles)

give a man a fish and he'll look at you suspiciously and ask what happened to the chips

Not fitting in doesn’t make you a reject, it means you reject being like everybody else.

Happy Hump Day. Take care of yourself. Hydrate. Stretch. Wax whatever needs waxing.

Moseyed through far too few saloon batwing doors than I expected as a kid.

Nurse 1 (taking my blood pressure and pulse) “I’m just checking your vital signs” Nurse 2: “I’m just checking your frivolous signs: are you really a Sagittarius?”

call me a kook but i think we should vote for people who want to make our lives demonstrably better

Every day brings me closer to being that old guy who goes shirtless from May – September. The lack of self-awareness coupled with not giving a single fuck must be sublime

"There are no stupid questions." Me:

Dwight Schrute's Iconic Hand Stretch

ALT: Dwight Schrute's Iconic Hand Stretch

static.klipy.com

"Let me collect my thoughts" I say as I walk out the door, never to be heard from again.

Fuck, I feel old

Stop. You had me at “Let’s leave before it gets crowded.”

Helios weaves #photography #landscape #sky #nature #sunrise

The older I get the more I understand why cats just walk away mid conversation.

Beam me up…

It's the last day of my staycation, they're going to have to drag me out of my pool. Might sleep here.

There is absolutely no banana in a banana pepper and that’s why I don’t trust the government