Ahh, 9:15 a.m. Friday. The traditional end to the work week

me: can i use your restroom, i really gotta go optometrist: number 1 or number 2

me: can i use your restroom, i really gotta go optometrist: number 1 or number 2

Time for my dreams to turn my fears into weird little plays

Mortal Wombat

odysseus: we now set out on our odyssey. sailor: [raising hand] what's an odyssey? odysseus: a long journey named after the only survivor. sailor: oh ok wait what.

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

Please explain it to me like I’m a little teapot.

Do I repeat myself? Very well then, I repeat myself. I’m repetitive, I contain repeats.

me: I'm going to build a time machine him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs

The squash vines are going hoopy right now and there’s nothing anyone can do about it

yeah, i still have buccal fat, it hangs over my belt

welcome to America, where you don’t know if a bullet or a piece of lettuce is going to kill you

walking back into the wrong hotel room after getting ice and reinventing it as the Audience Chair

why yes, i do appreciate the entire oeuvre, in fact, i call it the Scooby-Dooeuvre

listening to salt n pepa's "what a man" (ft. en vogue) and staying open from 7 to 7

fredesque@fredtaming.bsky.social · 4w ago

whats everyone got planned for 7/11 Day tomorrow? i was thinking about loitering at a 7/11

whats everyone got planned for 7/11 Day tomorrow? i was thinking about loitering at a 7/11

whats everyone got planned for 7/11 Day tomorrow? i was thinking about loitering at a 7/11

housewives implies feral wives roaming free in the woods

I'm making amends if anyone wants any fresh amends

(exploring the ancient tomb) Incredible… The lost civilization who built all this must have been generally shitass at building stuff, on account of how it’s all fucking broken

Whole village out processing the giant who died in the ravine.

one time I accidentally brought a pizza to a gunfight instead of a gun and we ate the pizza and resolved differences until the last slice of pizza was up for grabs and a gunfight broke out

Is your girlfriend wife material? I'm building a giant wife.

Nice empire of dirt, dude. It would be a shame if I could have it all

song titles in the 80s were designed specifically so you could add "in the butt" at the end of them: Straight Up in the Butt I Wanna Know What Love is in the Butt The Rhythm is Gonna Get You in the Butt We're Not Gonna Take It in the Butt 99 Luftballoons in the Butt Cars in the Butt

sorry it’s so hot outside everyone, i just realized i’ve accidentally left my grill on for the last few days

sharks and owls should be able to eat snacks together but im not on the sharkhootery board

me: look ma, no hands her: kick me another firework

happy day after Tragically Hip day

fredesque@fredtaming.bsky.social · last mo.

happy Tragically Hip day