My 14 year old just asked me if people get their ass pierced, and I can't decide which is worse the question itself or the thought of having an infection of the ass pierce.

[lovingly] but babe you’re my favorite person to sabotage

I’ve reached the age where “doing nothing” is a valid and exciting weekend plan.

If you deactivate your bsky account, you’re deactivated in real life too.

We’re all just a bunch of broken Doritos at the bottom of the bag.

I’ll be taking notes while I watch you eat a watermelon.

*snorts a line of powdered milk* MOOOOOO!

*from under your floorboards Oh don't mind me

Went out tonight for drinks and got my leg humped and saw a random girl flash her tits. This is why I usually stay home with my cats

A curandera told me that if I buried his underwear in backyard during the new moon he would no longer achieve an erection. She could not tell me if viagra would still work or how long the effects last, and I'm struggling to find any evidence to support this advice. Has anyone tried this?

I know better than to have heroes, but I am a fan of Lorena Bobbit’s work.

GOALS

Marc@runoldman.bsky.social · last wk.

Back in Germany, I had a friend named Wilhelmina, who had a glass eye. If she got mad, she'd take it out and throw it at you.

Tramp Stamp: If found, please drop into the nearest mailbox

Forrest Plump@nahyoudoit.bsky.social · last wk.

Tramp Stamp: I can’t see the TV

As little as possible is too an answer to 'what do you do', which frankly is a question that should never be asked.

See this day coming up? (motions to all VA public schools) This day marks the end of summer and school starts AFTER this day, NOT in the middle of August.

Labor day? Nah, I am holding out for Owner's Day.

“in a galaxy far, far away” that sounds nice

Ask not for whom the dog piles, It piles for thee.

I would also do this if I could for 20 dollars.

Michael Warburton@michaelwarburton.bsky.social · 2w ago

In 1947 10yr old Richard Allen of San Francisco spent a week at the movies

Maintenance, Scheduled Maintenance.

If you pay attention to the lyrics of Simon & Garfunkel's "Cecilia," it's pretty clearly being sung from the point of view of a guy who's in a polycule but doesn't know he's in a polycule.

Oh adorable effort, but you have to will need to hit me before I bother to get mad about anything.

Really easy to spot people who are unaware of truth. They’re always mad as hell over nothing. 

There is still beauty in the world.

If the shoe doesn’t fit just use a shoe horn. Duh.

it’s Thursday which means teams happy hour today at 4 for us work-from-homers

I stabbed myself under my thumbnail with a dried piece of orange in case you think you have problems.

Ironically, it IS a God made entirely of irony.

Whelp son, the secret to happiness is deprivation.