things that make me rage: - hiccups there probably more but i can't think of what they might be right now

flotillas aren’t nearly as edible as they sound

I still got it

Jessica Zellers@stellagarp.bsky.social · 3d ago

I just made this sort of disappointed noise

would this work on anyone, asking for a friend

Opinion Editor @ Bluesky@dly.bsky.social · 4d ago

let’s hold lips

Hey kids, come check out all these *suddenly forgets the word 'magpies'*...orca chickens

grammar was more important in the days of you’re

person: how are you doing? me: good ᵉⁿᵒᵘᵍʰ

Best.Card.Ever.

Exorcist didn’t show so now we’re just winging it.

hey murderers, come to this national park sign in the next four minutes if you want a shot at the champ

Me: Can you believe they’re trying to sell us AI steak sauce? Her: Um, that’s A1. Me: What’s a one?

Hello Kitty Minus One

HER: would you like to feel it kick? ME: sure HER: *places my hand on her sensei*

I'm super excited to announce that my half-hour pilot, My Boyfriend the Drag Queen (Based On a True Story) is ONE of FIVE Finalists in the 2026 TrackingB TV Script Contest!

I just got upgraded last minute to business class, and the speed with which my mentality changed from "screw those rich pricks in the front" to "lol look at those filthy peasants in the back" would give you whiplash

It’s the weekend. Time to post those drafts of one tribute to each of the 50 states.

just got a new bluetooth toothbrush that judges how i'm brushing and it's just like being married again

Telling my cat i'm hunting while I buy food with my phone

ZOOKEEPER: So pythons and anacondas are part of a family of snakes called constrictors ME: *way too loud* Also called wraptiles ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids

When you try to sleep and you only get the error message.

gregs are interchangeable with darrens just ask anyone (except for greg and darren they're biased)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

#romance

i now genuinely consider this movie optimistic

Brian Honan@brianhonan.bsky.social · last wk.

Happy Skynet day to all those who celebrate

Happy Skynet day to all those who celebrate

She was bubbly, like a witch’s cauldron.

Seems like Illinois could make a bigger deal of being the birthplace of The Hamburglar. Or created a legend to make us giddy with anticipation that Abraham Lincoln might suddenly appear and swipe your chalupa.

i really thought my middle ages would include more jousting

I always bite off more than I can chew so I learned to unhinge my jaw and swallow everything whole.

One year into training jiu jitsu and I can confidently say this: do NOT try to aggressively lie down on me while I'm already on the ground for some reason