I went next door with a measuring cup in my hand and told the lady that I was all out of love and asked if she could help me out and now for some reason the police are involved.
Scott_Towel
@scotttowel.bsky.social
Some content may have been re-purposed from the dead bird place 🐦 I don't follow back accounts that don't repost others or only post about one subject. Sorry "I fake it so real I am beyond fake"
It's my birthday so I forced a student driver into the guard rail, never felt so alive
When I was in high school I briefly dated a girl named Virginia Peanut.
The Atlantic has a new article titled The End Of Reading. It looked interesting, if one took the time to read it, which of course I did not.
How the rest of the world is producing energy: solar panels, wind turbines, water conduits, nuclear reactors How America his producing energy: coal covered in oil and beef tallow
I spoke to Mitch McConnell briefly today, but then there was a fire alarm at the Medium's apartment and we had to cut the seance short.
Scott Toilet Paper: The micro-thin, dry, sandy toilet paper that makes sure house guests don't overstay their welcome.
If you want to be a zookeeper, first you have to be a zoofinder.
um, so everyone cheering on egypt in the world cup realizes how the pyramids were built right? but i guess that's a conversation you're not ready to have
There’s never been anyone whose involvement more completely and immediately poisons vibes and destroys joy. No good thing survives contact.
do you remember those commercials where one person said “your peanut butter touched my chocolate” and the other would say “your chocolate touched my peanut butter” and then they’d start fucking
A Joker-style origin story about the Hamburglar
Women aren't complicated. Take us somewhere with turquoise water, tell us we're pretty and bring snacks.
“Oooooooh brother you got talk of socialised medicine and rent control and that’s trouble I say trouble with capital T and that spells trouble. Now… would you folks here happen to know about freedom? I’m talking freedom my friends sure mighty glad to say freedom and I are personal friends….”
I’m enjoying watching employers making big payouts to the professors, teachers, and staff they fired after receiving online crap from MAGA and Russian bots after Kirk reaped what he had sown for so many years.
People may blame my family for the unwashed dishes in our kitchen sink but I prefer to think it was Democratic socialists.
The way I use commas is more of a vibe, sometimes, it just feels right.
Hey, man, take it easy. Just save it as a draft. Let it breathe. Nobody needs a hero right now
In lieu of healthcare please enjoy another fly-over.
gah I just wish I could find a website full of likeminded individuals who are underemployed, hate AI and mask their problems with endless jokes