Home Depot just blowing through its uranium budget mutating normal skeletons into 12-footers
turns out chipotle workers don’t like it when you yell “wrap that rascal” at them
certain posters online are a government psyop designed to keep you giggling instead of angry. “Whimsy is the opiate of the masses…”
Look man, I don’t care how fast you can do the math in your head. If an old guy takes out his calculator and starts punching numbers you’ve got to let him finish
ME: (crawling out of the sea) Oh thank god! There’s been a terrible shipwreck! Please, I need water GUY ON SHORE HOLDING A GIANT BOOK: Not so fast, bitch. This is Puzzle Island
Word has it there's some good detritus drifting down from the ocean surface. I'm wiggling my eyestalks and clicking my pincers with excitement
*death metal guy flipping thru medical journal for song names ooh, Eyestalk Ablation perfect
Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a day Teach a man to transform permanently into a fish, you'll probably never hear from him again
"The Gang Tries To Accuse Jack Smith Of Collusion."
I love the idea of America and I love so many Americans. I’m proud we came up with jazz and The Simpsons and the National Parks are awesome. But if you can, try to be born in one of those other countries. The ones that don’t make people fight each other in a pit for survival. Ones that love people.
Me: *skips a rock perfectly across a pond* Fred Flintstone: OH NO MY CELL PHONE
just having a little fun on this, the lord’s day. which is expressly prohibited in the bible and guaranteeing me a fiery eternity in hell
Diesel at record high prices and why no trucker convoy in DC?
If you wanted a skeleton in your yard for Halloween, you should've put a body out to decay 3 weeks ago
recipe: four cloves of garlic me: got it. ideally seven, probably eight, possibly nine but in absilutely no case less than six cloves of garlic
The depravity showing in those eyes
Garth Marenghi's Catbus@catbus.phd · 6d agowhat in the fuck is going on
[skate park] ME: hey watch this *does sick kipflick* wait *does sick flickpip* no wait *does klikcfip* hang on *klifpick* *fipklick* *pilcklif* *likfkpic* *ckilpifk*fuck
I feel like as these encounters continue, I am learning Jack Reacher’s weaknesses, and I just have to apply myself more and also try to have stronger, less breakable bones. He can’t win EVERY time.
"Western Massachusetts is none of our business" was Lovecraft's only insight that aged well