I don't know about you but I make anxious Curly sounds when I read the news

Look, I’m an asshole but at least I feel shitty about it sometimes

"I'm a pretty quick study" - Me, a man celebrating 43 years of squirting a little mustard water on his bread

you can’t keep talkin like that bro, that’s the kinda talk that’ll get us thrown out of the pink pony club

👀

Ghosts don't just become friends, they become boosome buddies I'm so sorry and send

Asimov's Fourth Law of Robotics: Have fun!

I would like an app that doesn't make me want to yeet my phone into the sun and do all my business on papyrus scrolls.

chandelier is a french word meaning candle...er....lear *tries to look confident*

Killing someone secretly with a palindrome is a murdrum.

My hips don’t lie but the left one complains sometimes

This storm was such a bitch I had to listen to AM radio on a dusty old clock radio. This glass of Tab sure hit the spot, though. Have you guys heard of Debby Boone?

pentatonic means that if you scream all your pent up rage into a pillow five times within one sitting it will turn into a tonic i completely understand if you need to mute me now

yearning for the halcyon days of....tuesday

February is too short for a lot of women. They're generally attracted to taller months.

this week was a screaming duress

Almost time to refresh the spirit and tone up your system with a tonic of sassafras, spicebush, sweet birch, or maybe doing rails off your lover’s ass

logs on to announce various goings on with my body

Conversation is my favourite turn-based strategy game.

“anyway so how’s your flesh prison been tho”

I harbour an unreasonable amount of resentment towards things that can crawl under rocks.

Just crossed off the first item on my annual To Do list. It was the 2024 list, but still

Lowers my eye glasses for extra judgment.

After the police had that talk with me, I learned that being a person of interest and an interesting person are two different things.

A stabbing fear? More like a 'penetrating incredulity' *Wife of aspiring writer redoubles her stabbing efforts*: you... pedantic... FUCK!

Nobody ever tells me to just bring myself.