We didn't know there was a harmonica under there, little buddy. That's why nobody ever asked you to play. Is that why you were so mad all the time?

i really hate how everything is made so cheaply these days. My car gets a tiny scratch, it starts bleeding; i drop my phone, screen cracks and it starts bleeding; buy a can of coke from a vending machine, covered in scabs

Wile E. Coyote is urbanist-coded, trying to eat the Roadrunner. He would probably love and coddle the Bike Lane Runner. He yearns to move us beyond a car-centric America.

5-year-old, wistfully staring out car window: "i wish i lived in New England... " me: "WE LIVE IN NEW ENGLAND. WE ARE LITERALLY IN NEW ENGLAND RIGHT NOW"

*touches the pavement* what happened here

I love that for years people assumed this had to be some super esoteric reference but Ken Keeler was just like "no the joke is that the idea of a 10-year-old boy having a friend named 'Mabel' is funny"

we found unc in a hopeless place

there are cathedrals (to post in) everywhere for those with eyes to see

˖˚ʚわかɞ˚˖@skaspec.yuri.agency · last wk.

incredible interaction i saw in the comments section of downdetector earlier

my first day as a sports commentator responding to everything my co-commentator says with "wish that were me" and getting fired live on air

Okay well I’ll start by saying that butterflies usually fly like a few feet off the ground max. So flying twice as high as them like…isn’t really a big deal. Like planes exist. Anyway go on

new male overconfidence test: I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that I could bust right through Montresor's wall with my fists and feet. and that the Amontillado would actually help me in this, like Popeye's spinach

Giving my child an iPad so that he never gets smarter than me or better at reading

Imagine the Mozart facts Robert Wadlow could have retained

josh (oldfriend99)@oldfriend99.bsky.social · 5mo ago

The traditional 25th anniversary of 9/11 gift is silverware

Hi yes I'm calling about a- [listening to menu] mmhmm. mmhmm. Speak to a dope AI representative please. [annunciating] Dope. AI. Representative.

I think deep down we all want to be flattened by a giant panini press, really

even now, she's still teaching us

[Paulie voice]

I bet I could punt Liberty Bibberty 50, maybe 55, yards easily

found something great on reddit, which is such a rare happenstance that i felt i should post it

Me on stage like this, crowd hooting, as I announce something revolutionary: "10 am burrito"

Personally I peaked in 2014 when i was riding my bike to my job as a dishwasher, smoking a cigarette and some ash came off my cigarette and went into my throat causing me to puke on myself and crash my bike and then a bird shit on me. that's the coolest thing I've ever done.

I know exactly why, poindexter. It’s because it looks cool as fuck

The all-name team has some tremendous depth this year

One of your HOMIES is hungry. You can equip your HOMIES with FOOD from the HOMIES menu. Try assigning the BURGER you just purchased to GREGOR.

A billboard on the side of the road that says “big giant magnets” and nothing else

Fuck you, Tim Curry, you piece of shit.

Sridhar Ramesh@radishharmers.bsky.social · 2w ago

Whoever dies next and takes attention away from Dolly Parton is a bad person.