Sorry for what I said when you were ignoring me. I stand by it but I'm sorry nonetheless.

No matter our differences we just need to agree on some of the important things in life . . . like the fact that pizza is healthy because it contains veggies.

Too bad we all can't be manic at the same time.

Always a bit guarded when I’m talking to a woman named “Peg” Like is that your name…or your hobby

A glory hole for people to shove live grenades into my mouth.

“pull my finger” i dare you, and when you do i burst into flames

I have a theory that nobody actually cares about James Bond. It's based on the fact that I don't.

Her: You’re not being helpful right now. Me: I think maybe the problem here is your assumption that I wanted to be helpful.

I deleted all my drafts you’re welcome

*about to mount a mechanical bull Do you guys rent dildos?

What's Bluesky? -shitposters on Twitter

Don't quote me -shitposters on Bluesky

I had no idea aging involved so much moisturizer.

PSA: every MTV Unplugged concert is available on Paramount+

my account still has that new post smell

You didn't check Trivago? You didn't learn to play honkey tonk on a harpsichord? You didn't put banana slices on your PB & J?

I'm pretty laid back unless I hear a phone ring more than once

Bsky is like the old folks home before the old folks home - sure you shit your pants every now and again but it’s mostly fun and games and not the home they send you to die in which is something

reminder that your all your bedsheets are potential ghosts

I can’t read or write but that hasn’t stopped me from making 10k posts.

I refer to soups by their color like Gatorade

maniacal laughter for maniacal circumstances doesn't feel like the best medicine, and that's why I take Prescription Drugs™️

When the state offers me clemency, I make clemonade.

Big news! We now have our very own teen wolf on display, at least until the Department of Social Services steps in.

When I used to hump the wicker chair in my bedroom I didn’t realize it was foreshadowing.

It doesn’t feel strange at all to get horny over a man made of wicker in 2026.

but you don’t understand. i Need to use ai to generate an image of a woman with 3 breasts. if i don’t jerk off within the hour i will die

I’m not religious but I do believe in signs from the universe

lets go girls

A wicker husband would fix me.