with apologies to the young man who left his extremely well-curated spotify account logged in on the hotel tv: if my daughter didn’t hear elmo’s alphabet rap we were all going to die

Most people are cool and are cool with each other. The news doesn’t tell you that

Love in the Time of Cyclospora

Her: You’re not being helpful right now. Me: I think maybe the problem here is your assumption that I wanted to be helpful.

Me: [making impt life decision] what should I do Wife: just listen to your gut Me: ok Gut: let’s get nachos Me: BYE WE’RE GOING OUT FOR NACHOS Wife: wtf just happened

Sometimes I see posts that hurt my heart (some are sick, some are depressed, some have sick family members, etc). Not everybody needs words and just want to get it out. That's why I always respond with a 💙 or two, to let you know I see you, I feel you and I'm thinking about you.

a shower so hot it burns the dirt & sweat off you

Genuinely angered by how late in life I'm discovering comfortable socks.

fuck it, im on vacation

Let’s bring back common sense and empathy.

Using my microplane grater to zest a Minion

Gonna start commenting on my own posts "let her cook"

I don’t know guys, maybe we jumped timelines into some sort of bizarro world where the biggest douche runs the country and our great uncle wears a t-shirt with his face on it.

the masculine urge to cut my bagel into coins and make tiny cream cheese sandwiches

my account still has that new post smell

give a man a fish and he'll probably eat it i don't know what else he would do it's one fish bro let it go

I know I parked like an asshole, but I didn’t want to disturb the parking lot pigeon.

just came across this the otherday and have been listening to it non stop m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz76...

Kim Dracula - Molecular Conversion (Official Music Video)

YouTube video by Kim Dracula

m.youtube.com

Hope my insurance covers meatball therapy

Now it can be you and your 99 alts

Bluesky@bsky.app · yesterday

Update: group chats can now host up to 100 members.

All I'm saying is there are no donut parasites

I’ve decided to use my relaxed and positive personality for the first 30 days of this relationship

A threesome? Too much going on at once. I can’t even back out of the driveway while the radio’s on.

In my recent quest to try every American food that I've been seeing in movies and TV for years, I recently had southern-style biscuits and gravy and I have just two questions: 1. Y'all eat this for BREAKFAST? 2. How do you not eat this for every meal of the day?

battle the pervert glasses and flock camera surveillance state by putting led’s on some sunglasses like macgyver

I think that the people who review things like cauliflower hash browns and yolkless egg bites have gone so long without eating normal food that they have lost their frame of reference for what constitutes "good"

I came to Bluesky to make jokes and maybe have a few people say I’m pretty

Somewhere along the way, being wrong about facts was reclassified as "having an opinion," and knowing facts was stigmatized as "having bias." It's a big part of why we're in hell now.

Vicks is just spicy vaseline

Stop calling me an amateur. I've been doing this for decades. I'm incompetent.