Tacos on a Monday because who can wait that fucking long

Wrapping up #caturday with this goober

You can always trust that at any given moment, I’m into something completely nerdy

@gimmethekspecial.bsky.social happy belated birthday!

They say the worst thing you can be is cruel, but I think the worst thing you can be is sticky

Glistening to music

*during sex Are you mad at me? It feels like you’re mad at me.

Pretty sure the cat just punched me in the face to wake me up

(drinks spilling everywhere) this table should be called an unstable

I enjoy having a drink on my deck so the local gnats have a community swimming pool

There's a glitch in my coping mechanism.

There's nothing common about sense anymore.

good morning to everyone except people who left dishes in the sink last night

you mess with the bull you get the horns. you mess with the goat you get the woodwinds. the horse has the string section and the rabbit is on percussion

“That plan is so crazy it just might work!” NARRATOR: It didn’t.

The good news about wellbutrin is it gives you energy to be mad at things again. The bad news is that it gives you the energy to be mad at things again

You can be anything you want. Except cool. Or smart. Or rich. Or powerful. Or confident. Or happy. Maybe forget the first thing I said.

“Touch grass,” they said. I touched it. It was wet. My friends are assholes.

Could someone create a show called Solved Mysteries? I think I’m entitled to some answers at this point.

awkwardly juggling your attention bc I don't know what else to do with it

This is a good episode.

I used to work for Dewalt, but tired of the constant drills.

I don’t know much but I do know the most painful unit of measure is hertz

My toxic trait is just disappearing for a while because my ADHD brain needs it. Not sorry

Took my car in for its post-winter clean and honestly the staff were very professional about the whole thing, all things considered

brb, I gotta show some people up at work

me, after coming up with a revolutionary idea and then immediately forgetting it for ever

i hope white people taco night was a success for you

Unless your body is in his trunk, he’s not that into you.

(bee’s last words after stinging you) your neighbor’s yard is better