What happens when we die is none of my business

Is it okay if I want to talk to you like I talk to the Moon?

I may not have all the answers but I got plenty of fucking questions

Forget the Horrors Peep the Colors

I actually love a good cicada cacophony

this bams my boozle

If I ever lose an election, I won't issue a concession, I'll just release a video where I say "you haven't seen the last of me" and start cackling maniacally.

I deleted all my drafts you’re welcome

My friend just fuckin showed up with a corncob pipe & that’s when it hit me that we are all in our 40s which means we get one new accessory slot

Imposter syndrome but it's just my tendency to sneak into your room, take down your mirror, stand where it was, and mimic your actions as you get ready in the morning.

I asked the Magic 8 Ball three times, so decision made…

Could probably fit 3 clown cars in a Trojan Horse

“Oh well,” he said, oh welling into the forever.

I set my morning alarm ring to that flat line noise.

*about to mount a mechanical bull Do you guys rent dildos?

Drugs. Just do them

It’s always a guessing game to figure out when to say” I love you” on the first date

Son: how’d you get your shoulders so big? Me: years and years of shrugging

my guillotine has a glory hole

The wind the same color as the sky when it doesn’t try.

Regret is just a side effect for life.

Me: [making impt life decision] what should I do Wife: just listen to your gut Me: ok Gut: let’s get nachos Me: BYE WE’RE GOING OUT FOR NACHOS Wife: wtf just happened

Life is painful and incomprehensibile, so turn into a car to drive away from this confusing metaphor.

well, reality, maybe if you were a little nicer, everyone wouldn't be avoiding you.

A trebuchet sounds like a lot, just throw me in a ditch and cover me with your overcoat.

*puts my cursed bones in an oubliette*

“Can’t win ‘em all!” I chortle, hurtling myself into an active volcano.

reverence has alvvays knovvn the path to the sky…✨

I've been screaming into a different abyss.