My rhizomatous buddy is sending up some new shoots across the street

an uber driver wearing sock puppets on both hands that talk to each other about how bad the steering wheel tastes your whole ride

little house on the prairie 2: laura’s revenge

I wish I could shazam a smell

I showed a medieval peasant a clip from "Girls Gone Wild" and he immediately came in his pants, I saw cum dripping down his leg into his Jordans which I also gave him

hey can i hold onto that pressure washer for a second i promise not to spray it directly into my eyes

dumplings sound like cute little baby poops

*eating a cottage cheese sandwich* lol who told you bsky isn’t cool all my bsky friends are cool

angel on one shoulder: it’s time to go to work devil on the other: no stay in bed yoda on my back: get up, crushing me you are

I bet the inventor of the microwave was like "no. Sadder."

the lunatic: four score & quite some time ago a woman found me wandering around in a 7-eleven with 25 cents in my pocket & zero direction in life. so, she bought me a slurpee & some nachos & the next thing i knew we were married & suddenly

Sneezing while driving is nature briefly taking the wheel to prove a point

reminder that your all your bedsheets are potential ghosts

ME: Can I use the bathroom? FRIEND: End of the hall. Sorry about the mess. And all the shower mildew. And the pissman. Just kick him if he gets between you and the toilet. DON'T piss on him. MR: He's not leaving. FRIEND: Kick him way harder than you think. PISSMAN: Kick so hard you piss a little...

i’m here you fuckaas bitch

You search the bag. You got: Funyun shard (3)

this is like the time i got a new label maker

Love when a neighborhood has snacks ready

me: what are you doing soldier: we're gonna catapult this diseased cow into their well to try and break the siege me: is that daisy? she's not diseased she's just lazy soldier: is laziness not a scourge? me: not a contagious one soldier: alright get out of there daisy daisy: moo

the average american streams eight spider-man movies in their sleep each year

Avatar (2009) Avatar: The Fonz of Beer Cheese (2022) Avatar: Twizzlers and Shaving Cream (2025)

richie@theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 4d ago

post your worst draft

joining the rotary just to go around a few times

Early stroll. A temporary popup pink exhibition in the sky. Something growing in a paved-over garden. Headlights approach, rear lights recede. The big house in the distance across the valley. The minimalist narrative poetry of street names.

If you're ever hiking in the woods and get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky and you'll know which way space is.

Shut the fuck up -sent from my Westinghouse smart fridge

I wish Andre the Giant was a time traveler and would check in on us every now and then

I don’t have road rage. I have performance reviews for other drivers

yes of COURSE your dick is the prettiest princess at the balls

everytime i think ive just read the last one ever, another sisyphus joke drops