For a junk drawer to legally qualify as a real junk drawer, what is the ONE absolute mandatory it must include? Instructions for an item you no longer own.

Kat Alderson 🙃@klaybourne.bsky.social · 5d ago

For a junk drawer to legally qualify as a real junk drawer, what is the ONE absolute mandatory item it must include? A key that no one knows the origins of.

Me: ugh it's muggy outside Outside: gimme your purse

if I had a Netflix special about the first half of my life the title would be People Pleaser

Asking the stylist to shave off all my hair so I won't get controlled by a rat

being afraid of iceberg lettuce i feel like the captain of the titanic

post grape nut clarity

I thought I’d have opened more treasure chests at this point in my life

why’s this pervert-ass washer always asking me about my load size

Ah He’s retired then?

One time someone replied to one of my joke posts with "Pfft, wrongo" and I'm still living with that burn.

I should get some sleep. Big day of ignoring my ever growing to-do list again tomorrow

LOTR sitcom called How I Met Your Mordor

shazam for when you forget someone’s name

Your honor, may we have a sidebar? Lifeguard: What?

Try and give me a fish, I won’t take it.

Cop: any illegal drugs on you? Me: what state am i in?

Netflix needs to start asking if I’ve switched laundry loads.

*25 second sigh* REPRESENTATIVE

your doomsday scenario or mine

Live Long and Prosper sounds like an insurance company.

Here there Delilah What’s it like over in The City Heard you don’t like IPAs But girl tonight you look so thirsty Yes you dooo Don’t let them give you ribbon blue This Bud’s for you

I started getting followed by some "film festivals" and "writing festivals" and thought "oh, these are cool!" Then I looked a little closer. They're all part of a network that preys on writers, charging us for reviews, and feeding our stuff into slop generators. So I made a list.👋🏻🖕🏻😠

Honestly the best part of my Saturday night was putting on new pajama pants from Walmart that are so comfortable, actually long enough, and have pockets. These are the thrills I live for

Singing “Happy Birthday” to A Horse with No Name and watching the realization on everyone’s faces as we get closer to the end of of the song

i love thinking of jokes and then finding out someone else did it 87 years ago in an AOL chatroom

I am not a lady’s man or a man’s man I am a shitposter’s shitposter

5 Signs You’ve Eaten Tainted Veggies (number 2 will surprise you)

If Mondays were a soft drink, they would be New Coke.

I’d like to plead by drinking a fifth, your honor

We had joy, we had fun Setting phasers now to stun